RSS Feed
Aug 21

God I made a mess…Did I just orgasm or..?

Posted on Friday, August 21, 2015 in Guest blogger

Screenshot_2015-08-21-17-49-49~2Female Ejaculation (FE) aka “squirting,” or “gushing” has been the center of a great deal of controversy over the past decades. Despite ancient regard and recognition of female ejaculation by many philosophers and cultures such as Hippocrates and Aristotle or the Taoist tradition, centuries later the world is debating its existence. Some even argue that it is in fact only urine. Few studies have been done with no definitive answer on what the fluid is, its source and whether it has any connection to female orgasm at all. This confusion, along with a legacy of Freudian beliefs towards female sexual incompetence, a culture which represses female sexuality through ridiculous measures such as Australia and Britain’s ban on FE in pornography, as well as a lack of adequate education regarding female bodies, results in women’s internal shame towards their sexual abilities. Many women have found themselves at the doctor’s office after experiencing FE – which is crazy enough on its own – but to make matters even worse, were diagnosed with Urinary Stress Incontinence! All these factors have caused a great deal of humiliation and embarrassment to those individuals who do experience female ejaculation and has continued to be a source of shame and repression in female’s perception and agency towards their own sexuality.

I, unfortunately, have been in the same boat. Despite my continuous and rigorous journey of learning to love myself and my body, especially my vulva, through believing and practicing sexpositivity and empowerment, reading Cunt over and over again, and claiming my sexuality by giving myself earth-shattering orgasms every chance I get (definitely recommended), I still felt disgusting, dirty and sick the first time I squirted, and… to some degrees – on my less confident days – still do today. Now don’t get me wrong, it always feels amazing when it happens! I do not want to stop! But afterwards, looking down at the kind of scene I’ve caused… all those negative feelings come right back. My first time squirting in front of my partner was a whole different story.

Despite how mind-blowing it felt, I was so embarrassed afterwards that all I wanted to do was hide and not face her again. I ended up crying out of shame, and in turn feeling embarrassed for crying during sex. Thankfully, my partner was completely understanding and consolidated me with sincere love and affection. Although it did not put an end to my negative feelings regarding ejaculation, I slowly learned to accept and embrace this aspect of my sexuality.
Writing this story has not been easy, but I know that there are many of you out there who probably share a similar experience. Here is to all of you beautiful pearls who have gone through the same or are currently feeling some type of way about your body like I still sometimes do: you are a badass with an extraordinary body! There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are lucky to be able to experience this pure pleasure and orgasm. All of that being said, I do agree that sometimes dealing with the “mess” can be a turnoff, but do not let that come in between you and your sexy time. I’m including a few tips on how to love your squirting and minimize all concerns about the “mess”. If it’s really a big deal to you and you wouldn’t mind spending some money, below is a list of helpful options from the most cost friendly to least for you to consider:

  1. Use Towels / Old blankets – Towels or older blankets can be found at most households and are very cheap to buy. Using them is very helpful because they are easy to wash and prevent your sheets from getting wet (if that’s not something you’re into).
  2. Blue Absorbent Pads – These pads can be found at any local drugstore (CVS, Walgreens, etc.) and are relatively very cheap. You can find them as cheap as $3.00.
  3. Fascinator Throe – These luxury, usually velvet textured, blankets are specifically designed to absorb fluids during sexual activity. However, they are pretty pricey. Most are about $80.00.
  4. Kink Rubber Sex Sheet – Coming in different brands, these sheets feel like actual rubber and are waterproof. At the same time, they are comfortable enough to sleep on! They are usually more than $100 to 120.

If you are scared that it’s pee, it is not! To rid yourself of all concerns about possibly peeing on your partner go to the restroom and urinate before engaging in a sexual act that may end up in you ejaculating! The fluid does contain a similar substance that is found in urine, and at times contains a very small percentage of urine. Depending on different factors such as when the last time you urinated was, those levels can be higher or lower. Seeing that you are able to ejaculate with a just emptied bladder, may give you reassurance and less anxiety while you’re enjoying your sexual experience. But really, it’s important for you to realize that there is nothing wrong with ejaculating, it is just a different form of orgasm and will result in a great deal of pleasure!

Until next month!
Ava Rakhsha

Jun 26

Queer Pomegranates from Iran

Posted on Friday, June 26, 2015 in Guest blogger

Ava PomI was born in Tehran, the capital city of the Islamic Republic of Iran. I grew up in a multi-textured and layered habitat with very strong binary oppositions. I went to all girl schools (as we were all supposed to) and started wearing the Hijab when I turned nine, as it was required by law. There were some things that were not talked about within my family and society at large—sex was the most adamant. This naturally led to a very sexually repressive environment especially for girls. Sexual orientation is something I had never heard of or knew existed until I moved to California with my family at the end of my middle school years. Being an immigrant Iranian woman in the United States has been one of the most, if not the most, challenging experiences of my life. Over the past few years I have worked very hard on first finding myself, then accepting myself, and finally loving myself. Most importantly I have learned how to define myself for myself, despite all contrasting identities and values that I am supposed to be or abide by.

I am currently a college student studying sociology with an interest specifically in the intersection of gender, sexuality, race and class. I am here to write about the things that I am not supposed to think about, let alone talk about, being who I am. I am here to talk about sex, about pure, utter pleasure and how it feels to own that pleasure. I am here to talk about being queer, super fucking queer, while having immigrant parents. I am writing to feel free, and to maybe, hopefully make you feel a little, just a little, more free too. I am also here to talk about the darker, more difficult parts of this world including the hardships, doubts and questioning; as well as issues that I still struggle with or get angry about. I think it is absolutely important to open up the doors and to talk about sex, to talk about sexuality and what we want and who we are because it is such a vital part of our existence that is too often hushed or ignored. “Love is as love does.” By discussing these issue we create acceptance and we create love—for ourselves internally and for the world we reside in.

I am incredibly grateful for this opportunity. I cannot wait to start! I will be posting articles the last Friday of every month!

Until next month,

Ava Rakhsha

Oct 4

Sexual Health Awareness Week at UC Berkeley

Posted on Saturday, October 4, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoSexual Health Awareness Week (SHAW) events went well! The Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP) SEXPERTS and their DeCal students at UC Berkeley saturated the campus with safer sex supplies distributing approximately 5000 traditional and insertive condoms to fellow bears during SHAW main event and through random acts of sexiness all week. However, the highlight of the week had to be the various sex educator panels including peer educators, campus and local community educators, and professional Sexologists and educators.

student panelSHAW began with an awesome and intriguing panel of sexual health peer educators. Many of the students on the panel are in SHEP with one FemSex facilitator. Though the panel was for the students, and at the end of a long day, I was overwhelmed with pride in a job well done as many of the students in SHEP expressed that being in the program has been one of the most rewarding and educational experiences they’ve had at UC Berkeley. Many of the panelists shared that in their quest to educate others on sexual health and related topics they learned a lot about themselves as well.  The only male student on the panel cheerfully admitted that being accepted into SHEP was more exciting than receiving his acceptance to UC Berkeley. All of this was music to my ears as the Program Coordinator and Sexual Health Educator because I know that each of these young people will continue to educate friends, classmates and many more helping to slowly but surely effect change to create a more sex positive campus climate and culture, here and beyond.

The following evening, we held a sex and disability panel featuring the group Are Cripples Screwed? consisted of UC Berkeley students, alum, and community members lead by SEXPERT Olivia.  This self-contained panel is always both educational and entertaining. There are often many negative stereotypes of disabled persons and sex, as if disabled people don’t have sexual feelings, desires, and experiences. One of the best things about this panel is that the panelists openly and honestly discuss sex and disability in such a way that definitely clarifies that yes, disabled person’s can and do have sexual feelings and desires. Furthermore, disabled persons often figure out a way to experience sexual pleasure as well.

Professional sex educator panelOn Wednesday evening we held a panel of professional sexual health educators and Sexologists for aspiring sex educators.  Like the peer based sex educator panel, clear themes quickly emerged. The first was many of us identified as that “weird” child/young adult who was naturally intrigued with sex and advancing the discourse in an inclusive and accurate way. A second shared theme was having an entrepreneurial spirit as the field of comprehensive sex education is somewhat new. Given that sex, sexuality, and sexual health encompass many areas of our lives and health, it makes perfect sense to study and approach sex from a multi or interdisciplinary perspective. However, the interdisciplinary approach is new for many employers and they are just barely beginning to see and understand its benefits. Professional sex educator panelistsBecause of this sometimes we, as sex educators, have to help potential employers see our worth and you may have to be creative with this. To this end, one of the best pieces of advice was in response to a student question about interest in other areas and not knowing what to do or where to start with a career in sexual health education. I’m not sure who, but I think it was Carol who shared there is no reason to give up your other interests as it is entirely possible to combine them and be the best sexual health person in that particular area. In other words find the thing you are most passionate about – your niche, if you will – and be the sex expert in it. For example, if you have an interest in both chemistry and sex, major in chemistry minor in sex or vice versa, then carve a niche for yourself as a the leading authority in the chemistry of sex.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this recount of SHAW panels. A super duper huge thank you to the Student Sexual Health Educator panelists: Olivia, Jessica, Angela, Daysha, Jasmine, and Mike; Are Cripples Screwed? panelists; as well as professional Sexual Health Educators: Nicole from Huckleberry in Marin County, Alicia Harris from UC Berkeley, University Health Services, and Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen – one of the most well-known professionals in the field of sex education here in the Bay Area. While SHAW was fantastic, sexual health and education is such an important aspect of health that it certainly deserves daily awareness and regular maintenance. As such, I’ll be writing about it all month! Until next time…

 

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Sep 29

Birds Do It. Bees Do It. Bears Do It.

Posted on Monday, September 29, 2014 in UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoToday kicks off Sexual Health Awareness Week (SHAW) at UC Berkeley! SHAW is a super sexy and sex positive event held each fall semester that uses fun, games, and humor to promote awareness of sex, sexuality, and sexual health issues and concerns.

SHAW’s theme this year is Birds Do It. Bees Do It. Bears Do It.  As many of my readers know, I have been working super hard with a group of sex positive librarians to put on a sex ed exhibition, Birds Do It. Bees Do It: A century of sex (mis) education in the USA. I thought I’d be clever and plan SHAW to happen simultaneously with the official exhibition opening reception on Wednesday, October 1st. It doesn’t hurt that I’m one of the featured speakers at the reception. I’m just saying…

Shep_BirdsBeesBears_Final (1)This year’s event will not disappoint. Wednesday, October 1st, 11:30 – 4:30pm, is our main event on Memorial Glade! There will be several tables with sexual health information, educational games with sexy prizes, and opportunities for you to share what you would like to see as far as sexual health education on the UC Berkeley campus. The infamous SHEP penis will be out in full erect – I mean effect – ready to pose for pics with you and your friends. Free safer sex supply samples will be available.   Community partners such as the Center for Sex and Culture, Good Vibrations, and STD Triage will be there. Check out what else we’ve scheduled for you:

9/29 – 10/3 Daily: Random Acts of Sexiness. Our lovely Sex 101: Topics in Sexual Health as well as our Sex and Disability decal students will be all over campus offering fellow bears condoms…Roll on you bears! For times and exact locations check fb.com/SHEPSexperts.

9/29 Monday: Student Sexual Health Educator Panel. Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP) Sexperts will be sharing a little about why they do what they do and answer questions from those of you considering doing it too. Pun so intended. Cum join us in 83 Dwinelle from 6:30-7:30.

9/30 Tuesday: Student Sex and Disability Panel – Are Cripples Screwed? If you want to know the answer and learn more about sex and disability you’ll have to come to the panel! This sexy panel is going down at the Tang Center in the Class of ’42. We’re not too far for sexy people to come!

Sexhibition10/1 Wednesday: Professional Sexual Health Educator Panel. Panelists include Carol Queen from the Center for Sex and Culture & Good Vibrations; Nicole G. from Huckleberry; and Tang Center Health Educators, Alicia Harris for sexual assault prevention and me, the Sex Goddess, representing college sexual health and Black sexual health! This is a great event and opportunity for any bears who are interested in pursuing a career in the field of sexual health education and/or who would simply like to chat with leaders in the field and learn more about sex, sexuality, and sexual health from various professional perspectives. This sexy panel will be 6:30 – 7:30 in 102 Latimer.

Before this sexy panel begins, don’t forget to stop by the opening reception of Birds Do It, Bees Do It… to hear about the evolution of sexual health (mis)education from History Professor, Thomas Laqueur, Dr. Malcom Potts, and me your campus Sexologist and Sex Goddess. The reception will be held in the Morrison Library in Doe Library, Wednesday, October 1st , 4:30-6pm. Light refreshments, sexy talk, and sexhibition!?! It gets no better! Certainly hope to see you there! Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

Sep 20

Yes! Affirmative Consent

Posted on Saturday, September 20, 2014 in Guest blogger, Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Growing up in a religious Catholic family, there weren’t a lot of conversations about consent and sexual activity. In fact, the only conversation about sex at all was a one-note repeat: DON’T. When I hit puberty, my mom stuck a sticker on the bathroom mirror: “8 Ways to Say No to Sex”. The list included such gems as “just walk away” (whaaa?) and “change the subject”; actions that would guarantee no second date, since your companion would clearly think you were nuts. (I spent a lot of time in high school hoping none of my visiting friends would need to use our bathroom.)

The message was clear at my Catholic school as well: nice girls don’t. There was no space for good, sexy feelings; no acknowledgement of your agency to explore your own body; and always the sense that it was up to the girls in the room to, as we were once memorably told, “keep our knees together.” All conversations about consent between us and The Boys were to end one way: with a firm NO. (In this universe, of course, same-sex sex wasn’t even acknowledged.)

One-enthusiastic-yes sg blogThis brings me, in a roundabout way, to the whole idea of enthusiastic consent, and why I wish it had been there in that impoverished, crappy little Catholic school when I was learning about the wide world of adult sexual life. Enthusiastic consent is the concept that you do not move ahead with initiating sexual activity while waiting for a potential sexual partner to say “no” — rather, you pause, seek an enthusiastic “yes!” and respect that anything less means the activity in question is off the table.

Would this idea have actually made a difference to me, growing up in my little hometown? My friend, it would have made ALL the difference. It starts with the revolutionary thought that sexual activity is something to actually be ENJOYED, rather than endured (question to the nuns: if you keep telling girls that sex is something they endure, how can they even tell if they are consenting or not?). Enthusiastic consent includes the notion that sex is something created in the moment between happily consenting adults. It’s not an atomic bomb dropped onto your ever-vulnerable female “reputation”, nor is it a dreaded but necessary task for producing the next generation of miserable, guilt-riddled adults. It’s something you create right then, between you. Which is another reason it would have rocked my teenage world: the idea that sex isn’t something that girls give, and boys take, but rather an activity between equals, brought into being at that moment by each of your desires, needs, likes and dislikes. It’s not a one-time exchange of goods: you don’t hand sex over to the other person. You make it together.

My dear, I am here to tell you that this idea has magic in it. It has the potential to revolutionize how many, many people look at sex, and look at potential sexual partners. The world needs this. Won’t you do your part to bring sex out of the shadows and into the sunshine? I hope for your enthusiastic “Yes!”

Sarah Gamble

Aug 20

Go Back to School in the Know

Posted on Wednesday, August 20, 2014 in UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoGo back to school in the know – meaning get tested and know your sexually transmitted infection (STI) and Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) status! You would be in good company with more than 4000 students getting screened for sexually transmitted infections including HIV during last academic year at UC Berkeley’s University Health Services, Tang Center. Knowing your STI/HIV status is important if you plan to be sexual with others or are hoping to have children one day. The latter is important as some infections such as Chlamydia often does not have visible symptoms in women. If left untreated Chlamydia can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) and possible infertility.

If you are having or have had sexual experiences the only way to know for sure that you are STI and HIV free is to get tested regularly. Sexually transmitted infection testing options involve collecting specimens in a variety of ways including a blood draw, urine sample, genital swab, or finger prick for HIV. I’ll tell you a bit more about each of these. Depending on what you are being tested for you may need more than one type of test.

Blood Draw. This type of testing involves drawing blood (hence the name) using a needle and syringe. Blood draws are useful for diagnosing viral infections such as HIV and/or for determining various strains of some viral infections such as Herpes Simplex Virus. As with any breaking of the skin, there is a small risk of infection at the testing site. However, the risk is very minimal.

Urine sample.  Urine samples may be used to test for bacterial infections such as chlamydia and gonorrhea. This is one of the simplest and least invasive methods for STI testing, especially for infections that may have a discharge as a common symptom.

SS know your statusSwabs (vagina, anus, throat, etc.). This type of STI testing is somewhat invasive in that your vagina, anus, throat, and in some cases your urethra may be penetrated to collect samples. This method is super useful for STI testing performed during a pelvic exam or for testing open sores. Swabbing is the best way to test for infections in the throat such as gonorrhea.

Finger Prick. Finger prick testing is one of the more recent testing options available. It is great for collecting a small amount of blood. Finger prick testing is now commonly used for HIV antibody testing.

At the Tang Center, we offer a few options to get tested for STIs/HIV  including regular medical appointments, urgent care and most recently through our self-directed testing option. Scheduling a medical appointment is the way to go if you are thinking ahead. Ask for a women’s health, men’s preventive health, or STI check appointment. Urgent care is great if you think you may have been exposed to HIV and would like to start a post-exposure prophylactic. Otherwise, if you think you may have been exposed to an STI other than HIV, there will be a window period (period from time of potential exposure to time STI may be detected via testing) and a regular medical appointment may be your best bet. Lastly, if you are at very low-risk our self-directed testing option is an excellent choice for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV testing. UC Berkeley students with our Student Health Insurance Plan (SHIP) have one full STI check covered per plan year. Good news, the plan year just started!!!

If you are not a UC Berkeley student or waived out of SHIP, there are still many ways for you to get tested and know your STI and HIV status. If you are in the Berkeley area, a few good options are Berkeley Free Clinic, or the Ann Chandler Public Health Center. If you are a student in West Contra Costa County, in addition to 3 Planned Parenthood locations, Brookside Community Health Center as well as the Richmond Health Center may be great options. You can also request STI and HIV testing with your primary care physician.

Though this blog post is about knowing your status it is also a great idea to educate yourself on the more common STIs including what they are, how they are transmitted, what symptoms may be associated, and how to treat various STIs should you be diagnosed with one. If you would like to chat with someone about this on the UC Berkeley campus, there are several options available to you – health and wellness coaching appointments with myself or my fabulous co-worker Queen Karen Gee, you can enroll in one of our student facilitated courses Sex 101: Topics in Sexual health, Sex and Disability, or FemSex. You can get a group of friends together and request a Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP) workshop. If you wuld like an LGBT focused workshop on HIV prevention, Berkeley Builds Capacity (BBC) has you. If you are not a UC Berkeley student, I am more than happy to educate you via phone or email about STIs and HIV. I also teach a Human Sexuality class at San Ramon Valley College enroll and learn from me in person on a regular weekly basis! However, you choose to do it, be sure you go back to school in the know. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

Aug 5

Back to School Safe and Sexy for 2014

Posted on Tuesday, August 5, 2014 in UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoIt’s August. You know what that means – back to school for students!!! For some student’s it’s back to the same school with friends you have known for quite a while. For others it’s time to start a new chapter at a new school! I have been in both positions many times in my life. However, I have found myself in the latter position more often. That coupled with having observed students who leave their friends and family to attend a new college has prompted me to write this back to school blog article for those students who are new to their school, college, or university – whether frosh or transfer this blog’s for you!

As the new person on campus you may feel a little awkward and out of your element. A little less than 7,000 students attended UC Berkeley for the first time as freshmen/women and transfers in fall 2013. While the numbers of frosh and transfer students for the 2014-15 year have yet to be released, rest assured you are not the only one feeling a little awkward and alone. Though academic institutions such as UC Berkeley are largely focused on academia there is also a need for social and personal development as well. It makes perfect sense. To get accepted to an institution like UC Berkeley or Stanford, as a high school student you likely spent a great deal of time focusing on school work and getting the best grades. While this is great, it is too often not coupled with social skills development.

Focusing strictly on academic skill at the expense of social skill development leaves you and other students ill prepared for navigating the social scene in college. Speaking from personal experience as well as professional observation trust me when I say social skills are a must in that most college students will do better academically if they have a social system of support. Here are a few tips to help you meet and keep new friends as you head back to school for 2014:

  1. CautionSay “hi.” One of the most common things students share with me is they don’t know how to meet people. The best advice I have for any of you who find yourself wanting to meet others is to approach the person you’re hoping to meet, smile and say “Hi. I’m_____. What’s your name?” It’s simple and easy to remember. Be sure to smile as it makes your face softer and more inviting. Assuming this first step went well and you have made a new friend, my next suggestions are for those students who may want to take your new found friendship to a sexual level.  Don’t act surprised – you knew it was coming – I’m the Sex Goddess!
  2. Proceed with caution. This is until you hear a clear and enthusiastic “yes” to your sexual request(s). Communicate your desire to have a sexual experience  to your partner. Unless your potential partner has mind reading powers, there is no other way for them to be absolutely sure that you’re interested sexually if you don’t tell them. Keep in mind that just because you tell your new friend that you’d like to be more than friends or friends with benefits, your friend may not feel the same. This does not mean they don’t want to be your friend, it just means they don’t want to be sexual with you at this time. That may or may not change. Either way, no means no. Silence means no. This is just as true for males as it is for females, transgenders, intersex people and anyone else regardless of where you fall along the gender continuum.
  3. Use condoms with each sexual experience. If you’re lucky enough to meet someone AND you’re mutually interested in sharing a sexual experience, fabulous!!! There is nothing sexier than consensual and safer sex between friends with benefits. Traditional and insertive condoms are just what you need to support each other sexually and safely. If you don’t know or are unsure how to use condoms schedule a health and wellness coaching appointment or Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP) workshop today!

While the suggestions above are great for those of you heading back to school here in the next couple of weeks or so, there is much more to consider as you prepare to go back to school. I’ll share more back to school sex tips throughout this month. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jul 26

National Orgasm Day is Cumming!

Posted on Saturday, July 26, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logo“Oh, Oh, OOH, YES!!!!” It’s almost National Orgasm Day! The exact date is a bit elusive with many sites reporting different dates. However, I have been able to discern that it will be sometime at the end of July; possibly on the 30th or 31st. So, let’s just call it National Orgasm Week! I know I’d rather celebrate orgasms for a full week vs one day.

National Orgasm Day – whenever it is – is a great day to pleasure yourself and/or your partner(s) over and over again. If one day/week is not enough not to worry  as there are multiple orgasm awareness days throughout the year including female orgasm day, World Orgasm Day, and International Orgasm Day. But really who needs an awareness day to celebrate orgasms!?! I certainly don’t.

Orgasms are one of my favorite topics to present. I tend to get excited just talking about orgasms and how wonderful they can be.  Just kidding – or am I? I’ve written about orgasms a couple of times this past year or so.  During finals season I wrote about 5 health benefits of sex and orgasm in “Stop Stressing with More Safer Sexing.” For those who are not quite sure if they have ever experienced an orgasm I wrote “The Elusive O.” Additionally, the latter blog article describes various types of orgasms as well as provides tips on how to have one.

National-Orgasm-DayGoodness, whatever shall I share today in light of National Orgasm Week? I thought it’d be fun to look at some world records involving orgasms. Unfortunately, the Guinness Book of World Records does not collect information on orgasms. As such, I had to be a bit more creative and scoured eBaum’s world, Masturbate-a-thon records and more to find some interesting and fun facts about orgasm related records.  Here’s what I found with regard to interesting orgasm related records according to eBaum’s world:

  • The most ejaculatory orgasms ever recorded in 1 hour for a man is 16.
  • The farthest a woman has been recorded to ejaculate is about 9’29” (3 m). – Are you jealous women? I am a little bit.
  • The greatest distance attained for a jet of semen that has ever been recorded is 18’9″ (5.71 m) which was achieved with a “substantial” amount of seminal fluid by Horst Schultz.
  • The average speed of a man’s ejaculation is 28 miles (45.05 km) per hour. The average speed of a city bus is 25 miles (40.22 km) per hour.  – Okay, I knew about the speed of ejaculation. However, I explain it a little different. I usually tell people that if a guy were to ejaculate and I started to run in the same direction the ejaculate would hit the target destination well before I would. That always gets a laugh from people. Yet also puts into perspective why it is super important to leave room at the tip of traditional condoms.
  • Having swallowed the most amount of semen ever officially recorded Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints (0.96 liter) of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
  • Women hold the record for having the most orgasms. The biggest amount of orgasms enjoyed by a woman in 1 hour ever recorded is a pussy shattering 134! However, a more recent report shows this record was shattered by a woman participating in the masturbate-a-thon in Denmark in 2009 with an awe-inspiring 222 orgasms. This was reported to have happened in 1 sitting – I wonder how long that sitting was!?!

That’s going to do it for today. I’m off to try to set my own orgasm record. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jul 19

Communicating During Conflict: Motives and Making Up

Posted on Saturday, July 19, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI hope you’ve all had an excellent week practicing self-care and communicating your wants and desires. Though, I like to keep things super positive, I understand that sometimes it is necessary to give feedback that may be difficult to say or hear. As such, today’s topic will build on communication in the form of delivering criticism as a much-needed tool for self-care. I’m going to give you tips on delivering and receiving feedback, as well as negotiating differences because if you’re honest conflict and negotiation are bound to happen.

When it comes to delivering criticism it is a good first step to evaluate your motives. Why are you sharing this particular feedback with your partner? If you are doing so because your partner hurt your feelings and you want to make them feel just as bad, you should seriously consider waiting to express yourself until you have had a moment to cool down. If your motive is because you think that providing feedback may improve the situation, sexual experience and/or relationship, then by all means share your feedback.  Try to discuss any potentially negative feedback or criticism in private. You don’t want to embarrass yourself or your partner in public or in front of others. Be as specific as you can about the behavior you’d like to improve without attacking your partner’s personality. After-all you’re sharing feedback in hopes of making things better. For this reason, I suggest using “I” statements and expressing your displeasure in terms of your own feelings. No one wants to dwell in the past so keep criticism and complaints to the present. Do your best to remain positive and offer a concrete suggestion for improving or fixing what bothers you.

comm criticismIf you’re anything like most people, it is much easier to give constructive feedback or criticism than it is to be on the receiving end. However, there will come a time when you’ll find yourself on the other side of criticism and you’ll want to be able to hear what your partner has to say. First, I’d suggest emptying your emotional cup so that you are able to fully understand what is being shared with you without popping off because you may already be feeling some type of way. When receiving criticism it is good to listen actively to what is being shared with you. Be sure to ask clarifying questions if you are unsure about anything that is being said. Acknowledge that you understand by paraphrasing the criticism. This bit of advice may be the hardest, but is also the best I can think of: If you are at fault, admit it and work to solve the problem.

It is entirely possible that if you share potentially negative feedback with your partner and they share some feedback with you as well, there is a good chance the two of you may have to do some negotiating. This is particularly true if you feel that both sides of an argument have some merit and worth.  It is important that you do not give in to urge to retaliate because you don’t like what you are hearing. Instead, discuss what is most important and let go of the less important issues. It may be that you and your partner have to agree to disagree AND understand that is okay. Either way, if you are hoping to continue a relationship with your partner – whether romantic or just sexual – it may be helpful to reinforce your partner’s willingness to communicate. Not only will this encourage your partner to share constructive criticism in the future, it also let’s your partner know that you values him/her even when disagreements arise. Though, I like to be positive, I also like to keep it real. Sometime’s conflict cannot be negotiated and the best self-care move may be to end the relationship. Communication and respect for yourself and others go hand in hand; you will need both to practice sexual self-care. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Jul 12

Communication as Sexual Self-Care

Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday. Last week I wrote about sexual self-care as the main key to maintaining good sexual health and wellness. I offered a few tips to help you practice sexual self-care. The first and last tip was about practicing open and honest communication with sexual partners. As a Sexologist at UC Berkeley –   you may have heard of it – you can imagine I am in a unique position to observe students sexual communication skills. Let’s just say they’re lacking a bit – until now. This week I’m going to dive a little deeper into communication as sexual self-care. Instead of continuing to explain why this is important, this article is all about how to practice good communication.

Before delving into the how-to portion, I want to recognize that there may be obstacles to sexual communication. Such obstacles include but are certainly not limited to you and your partner having differing feelings on sex talk; irrational beliefs that your partners should know what you desire. Really? Is your partner psychic? If not, then there is no way for them to read your mind and know what you want – not without communicating your wants and desires in some way. Additional blocks to sexual communication include having a different frame of reference than your partner that may be due to cultural differences. On the UC Berkeley campus, it is entirely possible that you and your partner may also have somewhat of a language barrier as well. Last but not least if you or your partners are feeling some type of way, your emotions may interfere with your ability to effectively communicate.

A great way to get started talking about this is to openly recognize and discuss the difficulties of talking about sex with your partner. I suggest that you select a neutral a time and place to discuss the issue. If the two of you have a place that you both enjoy and feel comfortable I suggest going there. When you arrive request permission to bring up the topic of sexual communication. You can say commuication as self caresomething like “Hey, we haven’t talked much about our sexual wants and desires. I’d really like to do that.  Is this something we can talk about now?” You may have a much sexier way of asking your partner for permission.

After your partner grants permission, it is important that you take the time to learn about your partner’s needs as well as make your own requests. With regard to learning about your partner, it is a good idea to listen to what your partner says and ask questions every now and then. If your partner says something that resonates with you, let them know. Self-disclosure often aids in the development of intimacy.  When it comes to making requests for the things you want and desire it is often best to be specific and use “I” statements. You will also want to validate your partner and the discussion by providing information in a positive way. For example, “I really like when you kiss me. I know it would feel incredible if you kissed my inner thighs when you give me oral. Can we try that?”

During sexual experiences be sure to communicate and let your partner know when he or she is doing something correctly or that you’d like more of. The point here is to accentuate the positive.  Use verbal cues. If you are the partner trying something new or requested ask for feedback. Be open to receiving and making suggestions. It would be naïve of me to think that everyone is comfortable using verbal cues during sexual experiences. Nonverbal cues can be super helpful and hot as well.  Take turns pleasing each other. Don’t be afraid to lead your partner by guiding their hand or placing your hands on their hips to help control movement. Use signals to indicate pleasure such as moaning, smiling, or saying something like, “baby, this feels so good,” “don’t stop, please” or “keep doing what you’re doing.”

Okay, that should be enough to get you on the track to practicing open and honest communication with your current and/or future partner(s). Communication is not only lubrication as I’ve said many times before, but also a great tool to have when practicing sexual self-care. Check back next week, when I write about delivering and receiving criticism, because let’s face it – at some point you’ll have to deal with conflict. How you do so will have important implications for the relationship. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: