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Jun 24

Betrayed by Your Penis

Posted on Tuesday, June 24, 2014 in News Release

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI’ve completed one full year of health and wellness coaching appointments as of this month! Congratulations to me. However, in light of June being Men’s Health Awareness Month – this article is about the most common sexual health related issue that young men have come to see me about: Erectile Dysfunction, or ED. More often than not young men come to my office reporting some sort of difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection to ejaculation or orgasm.

When I get a little deeper into the conversation with students who come to see me for erection concerns they are often embarrassed and think they are the only person on campus experiencing difficulty achieving erections. Rest assured you are not alone! According to the National Institutes of Health, approximately 5% of all erectile dysfunction cases are in young men ages 20 -39. Shocking, right?

You would think ED is something that only happened to older men, certainly not young college men. However, regardless of age if your sexual response cycle is interrupted it may result in a flaccid or soft penis. There are 3 things – or steps if you will – that must happen for a man to achieve and maintain an erection through orgasm and ejaculation. The first step is sexual desire. Do you have the desire to be sexual? Let’s assume that many of the young men at UC Berkeley do possess such desire. When sexual desire is present and something arouses that desire it needs to be communicated. As such, the brain communicates your sexual desire to your genitals. This communication step will activate an increase in the flow of blood to the penis. Lastly, blood vessels in the penis have to relax to allow the excess blood to flow in causing an erection. Anything that interrupts this cycle may cause your penis not to become erect.

While some issues of ED are due to a medical reason some of the more common factors interrupting the sexual response cycle in my experience with students at UC Berkeley include:

  • Stress (academic, personal, and future) – stress often has a negative impact on many areas of health – sex drive and function included. As you may be aware, UC Berkeley is a rather challenging and competitive academic institution. It makes perfect sense that your penis may not want to get and stay hard when you’ve got a big exam to study for.
  • Mixed or ambiguous messages about relationships, sex, and/or intimacy during childhood – Many of the students I meet often disclose some sort of difficulty reconciling messages regarding when to have and with whom it is okay to have sex received from multiple and varied sources. Parents tend to have a very different message than friends, peers, or what is shown in the media.  For example, if your parents raised you to believe that sex should only happen within the context of marriage or a committed relationship, it may be hard (no pun intended) to achieve an erection with someone you do not have any feelings for.  Students describe this to me as being betrayed by their bodies.
  • Alcohol – alcohol tends to be a recurring factor. Though young people use alcohol to help navigate social interactions, it is actually a depressant. Think of it this way, too much alcohol and your penis may get depressed so to speak…

What can you do if you are a young male experiencing difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection? Try masturbating. If you are able to achieve and maintain an erection to orgasm or ejaculation your penis issue is likely mental and not medical. You just have to find out what is making your penis a little shy then give it a confidence booster.  Here are 5 quick suggestions:

  1. If you find that you are able to get hard to masturbate try simulating the same rhythm and motion with your partner.
  2. Consider adding fantasy to your sexual tool box. Fantasies help stimulate sexual arousal. The good thing about fantasies is no one knows you’re doing it or what you’re fantasizing about.
  3. Only have sex when you are ready to do so AND with someone you feel comfortable with. Insane, I know! You do NOT have to have sex just because you think other people are.  Sex within the context of a healthy relationship or with someone you care for is likely to increase the likelihood of your penis getting hard when you want it to. This is due in large part to communication within the context of relationships and friendships.
  4. Give yourself permission NOT to have sexual intercourse, but rather to have a good enjoyable time with others.  This will help eliminate pressure to perform sexually. There are many other intimate experiences you can have such as a PG-13 or NC17 make-out session, or exploring your partner’s body with your mouth or hands, for example.  If sex does happen, well you got even more lucky! This tip is especially helpful during periods of high stress that may increase the likelihood of your penis not becoming erect when you want it to.
  5. Don’t have sex under the influence of alcohol. Doing this will allow you to experience every pleasurable sensation while increasing the chance that your penis will get and remain erect.

If you are a UC Berkeley student and would like more tips and suggestions for increasing the chances that your penis will get hard when you’re ready for sex, feel free to schedule a health and wellness coaching appointment at the Tang Center. If you are not a UC Berkeley student feel free to email me for additional tips and suggestions. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jun 10

Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) Instructor Training: Sex Goddess Experience

Posted on Tuesday, June 10, 2014 in News Release

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI just recently completed Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) Instructor Training! The experience was amazing though also thrilling and terrifying at times. RAD is basic physical defense for women. After completing this training, I think all women should consider taking the RADs basic physical defense training. Don’t let the word “basic” in the title fool you – this training is educational and incredibly empowering.

RAD is an internationally respected program and is the only self-defense program endorsed by the International Association of Law Enforcement Administrators (IACLEA).  In an effort to protect the intellectual property of RAD Systems as well as not to disclose options to a would-be rapist, I am going to focus more on my experience rather than the specifics of the RAD Systems program.

RAD Instructor training was an overall amazing experience.  I was in a co-ed class of approximately 15 people. While the focus of RAD systems is on self-defense options for women, there are some male identified instructors. There were several awesome men in my RAD Instructor cohort. The other lovely people in the cohort come from all walks of life including UC Berkeley students, staff, community members and campus police from various UC and CSU campuses.

Robin in RAD simulation gear

Ms. Robin Sex Goddess in simulation gear

At one point in the training, we went through simulation. Simulation was both thrilling and terrifying. Going into simulation I was scared, I’m not going to lie. As such, I volunteered to be one of the first few people to go – I wanted to get it over with. As my name was called each time I would feel nervous and anxious. Therefore I set my fight or flight response to “fight” regardless of the situation.

It did not help that just prior to simulation I had been practicing with an awesome young woman. Unfortunately for me she was a rugby-player and nearly twice my size. I was not very successful in early attempts to defend myself against her.  That kind of played with my mind.

Following simulation I felt empowered and with all that adrenaline rushing, I wanted to do it again…That was until they had us watch the simulation video the next day.  Although I was only watching, the feelings I had felt before simulation came rushing back. Only this time they were more overwhelming. Watching myself in various situations was just as terrifying, even though I knew I was going to get away. I found myself fighting back tears while watching the simulation video. Simulation for the men was simply terrifying and empowering – even to observe. That’s all I have to say about that.

RAD logoThis intense training took place over 30 hours in a 3-day time period. Each day was long and physically challenging. Though my body was sore for the next 2 days, RAD Instructor training was so worth it! As a certified RAD instructor I am charged with the objective “to develop and enhance the options of self defense, so they may become viable considerations to the woman who is attacked” (Lawrence Nadeau, RAD Systems Founder). I can’t imagine a better instructional objective. I’m glad to be joining a group of awesome RAD Instructors on the UC Berkeley campus as well as to possibly offer these classes to young women in Richmond! Not only did I gain new skills that may save a woman’s life one day – maybe even my own- I gained awesome new colleagues to add to my network as well as a few friends. Until next time…

 

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Dec 11

3 Tips to Ace Sex and Finals

Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2013 in News Release

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoAs I was thinking of what to write for this week it dawned on me that both sex and finals are potential points of stress for many students.  For this very reason, around this time last year, I wrote a shorter sexy tip on this very topic, however, the article reached limited people. So, I thought I’d recycle and revise this article now that I’ve got a bigger, sexier audience.

By the time you reach college, regardless of whether it’s a 2-year or 4-year, most students have learned that with a good study plan and preparation finals can be easily managed. Guess what!?! Good and pleasurable sex is a lot like getting ready for a final and can be managed using very similar tactics. For a less stressful and more pleasurable sexual experience try these 3 tips:

1. Learn the subject. If you hope to get a good grade – and on this campus I know you do – having thorough knowledge of the subject matter is super important. With sex, taking the time to understand SS A plusthe pleasure physiology and turn-ons of both you and your partner is a must. By this I don’t mean just knowing about that adorable mole on your partner’s backside.  Where are your erogenous zones? What feels good to your partner? Remember that each new partner presents a new learning opportunity!

2.  Be prepared. When the time comes make sure you have the necessary supplies to ace the exam. In this instance the necessary supplies are whichever condoms, dental dams, or gloves you and your partner(s) like best. Lubrication (lube) is nice to have as well.  In many cases, wetter = better with regard to sexual pleasure. .  If you’re not sure what else to keep handy for sexy play time, chat with your partner to find out.  This may just be the sexiest conversation you’ll have!

By the way, being prepared should include getting tested together, if you haven’t already done so.

3. Take your time. During any big exam, it’s always best not to rush through but to take your time and read each question carefully and respond accordingly. Same theory applies to sex – unless you’re planning on a quickie – take time to fully give and receive pleasure for a more enjoyable experience. Incorporate some foreplay.  Notice and appreciate how your partner’s body responds to your stimulating touch and vice versa. Kiss your partner and continue your sexcapade accordingly.

Best of luck this sex…I mean finals season! Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Nov 27

3 Reasons To Be Thankful for Your Sexual Health

Posted on Wednesday, November 27, 2013 in News Release

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoAround this time of year we often think of things we are thankful for like family and friends.  Of course, I’m thankful for my family, especially my beautiful daughter, and friends. In addition to them I’m thankful for having good sexual health and access to reproductive health care to maintain it!  

When I say I am thankful for good sexual health, I am referring to more than simply being STD free.  Though, being STD free is definitely included.  As recently as 4 years ago I was still taking my sexual health for granted. I assumed that as a female I’d be able to get pregnant and carry a child to term.  However, that was not the situation despite getting regular prenatal check-ups. My pregnancy and child birthing experience was anything but how I always thought and had planned for it to be. As a sexologist I am aware that some women have difficult pregnancies and others who are unable to conceive or carry children at all, yet I didn’t think for a second that I’d be one of those women. Don’t get too sad – I have since been told that I can have children in the future if I want to.  

I certainly hope that you can also say that you are thankful for your sexual health.  If you need more convincing, here are 3 reasons to be thankful for good sexual health:

  1. Ability to reproduce – should you want to. I am not assuming that everyone wants to have children, however, those who do want to have children in the future should consider adding sexual health to the list of things they are thankful for this year.  Women and men can be equally thankful for being able to contribute to the creation of life.  Without such an awesome ability the sexiest species would cease to exist. If we think of it that way – maybe people who don’t plan to reproduce should be thankful for those who do. buffet 1
  2. Can serve yourself up as a great dessert.  The only thing better than a great meal with people you love and care about is having a great dessert to top it off!  You can be a sweet dessert for one or more others to enjoy. This sexy human buffet is most enjoyable when you are free of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.  Trust me this is only one of many reasons to be thankful for being STD free – though it may well be the tastiest. buffet 2
  3. Can have pleasurable sex. When we are not feeling well sexually many of us tend to find sex less pleasurable, if we’re even willing to participate in having it. Who wants to have unpleasurable sex? I know I don’t. That’s the main reason to have sex is for the pleasurable experience and relaxation benefits. I’m thankful for being able to have pleasurable sex. I wish I could say I’m also thankful for a partner.

Let’s not forget that thanks to Affordable Care, Planned Parenthood, and in California – the State Office of Family Planning –we can all be thankful for low to no cost contraception and preventive reproductive care.  In many cases this includes access to various type of birth control such as pills, the patch, nuva ring, and more. It also includes access to testing for STIs, HIV, and pregnancy.  You can see from this short list that sexual health would make a great addition to things you are thankful for at this time of year and always.  Until Saturday…

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Oct 26

Is It Love or Hormones?

Posted on Saturday, October 26, 2013 in News Release, Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday! Picture this: You met someone and ended up hooking up with them. The sex was good, you had a great time and you agreed to see this person again. Same thing happens. Next thing you know you’re regular sex buddies. Before long you think you may be falling in love with your sex partner and want more than a casual hook up.

Not too long ago this very thing happened to a friend of mine. She asked me why she keeps falling in love with the guys she sleeps with. More recently, my female students in San Ramon have been asking similar questions. The answer is as much biological as it is social and physical. When we have sex we release hormones throughout the sexual experience. One of those hormones is oxytocin. This hormone is more commonly produced by females during orgasm as well as during and after child-birth. Oxytocin is believed to make people want to bond. The impact oflove or hormones 1 oxytocin on bonding and attachment has been so well documented that some researchers refer to it as the “cuddle hormone”. Basically, the more you have sex with a person the more attached you’ll become.

As you become more attached to a person you may want to spend more time with them. This is likely to result in you feeling more familiar with the person. Researchers have identified familiarity as also being important when it comes to falling in love. The more comfortable and familiar you become with your sex partner you may want to spend even more time with them. You can thank the hormone vasopressin for that. Vasopressin is a hormone released during orgasm that is associated with long-term commitments. So we’re clear, during sex and orgasm women release a combination of hormones that make us want to be closer to people over an extended period of time.   In answer to my friend and students question – if you couple the biological factors (hormones) with the more social factor  and experience of being familiar with someone it makes perfect sense that you may develop feelings for or even fall in love with someone who you have sex with on a repeated or regular basis. Of course there are other factors such as similarity, attraction and understanding that are important with regard to falling in love.

The follow-up question with my hetero friend was “why doesn’t the same thing happen to guys?” Guys also release hormones during sex. However, the main hormone released for men is dopamine. Dopamine is associated with pleasure. No further explanation needed! I’m just playing. As men continue to have sex with the same partner it is likely that over a period of time feelings will also be developed. Keep in mind that it may not happen at your desired time, if ever. Okay, dear friend and students, I hope this answered your question. Until next Saturday…

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Feb 14

What is National Condom Week Anyway?

Posted on Thursday, February 14, 2013 in News Release

In the US, February is National Condom Month. Various institutions also celebrate national Condom Day on or around February 14.

Originally started in 1978 by students on the campus of the University of California – Berkeley, as an educational event designed to promote condom use and safer sex practices among Cal students.

Engagement condomDuring the 1980s – 1990s National Condom Week expanded from a local campus event to one that was embraced by universities, high schools, AIDS organizations, sexually transmitted infection awareness organizations, family planning organizations and pharmacies.

While humor is used to help provide education, National Condom Week has become a tool to help educate young adults about serious risks involved with unprotected sex. This includes the risk of catching and spreading sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS as well as helping to prevent unintended pregnancies.

Adapted from http://www.nationalcondomweek.com/

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