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Mar 30

Mmm, Tasty!

Posted on Saturday, March 30, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoWelcome to the last Sexy Saturdays on sexual debuts. Today I’ll look at concerns and expectations with oral sex debuts. Oral sex includes mouth to vulva, penis, or anus. Mmm, tasty!  Or is it? That brings me to the most common concern I’m asked about: what do genitals smell and taste like? I’ve cleaned up the way this question is usually posed. This question of smell and taste is often both a concern and an expectation. The person who is experiencing the receiving side of oral sex is usually the one concerned about what their genitals may smell or taste like to their partner.  How considerate. On the flip side, the person experiencing giving oral sex for the first time may have expectations that their partner’s genitals are going to smell or taste a certain way. More often than not, I find people are shocked to discover that vulvas don’t smell sweet like roses and taste like candy despite what several feminine hygiene products spend money trying to get you to believe.

If you are planning an oral debut soon and you’re concerned about the smell and taste of your genitals I suggest cleaning your lady or male parts beforehand. Genitals are located in a rather hot spot – no pun intended. As a result, some genitals tend to have a salty taste and smell. A little cleaning may also be good for a penis that has been “shaking” urine off all day. I’m just saying…If you are having this debut with a female there may be vaginal discharge present which may have a slight odor to it. For the record discharge is a good thing, so no need to douche it away – it lets you know the vagina is working and has cleaned itself out just for you. If you don’t mind or even enjoy the smell of hot sweaty genitals don’t let me yuck your yum. I know many people who prefer their partner “au natural.”

If your concern is with the taste of your bodily fluids, you can make them taste better by choosing to eat healthy foods. This is true for ejaculate and other bodily fluids secreted during sexual play.  Fruits and vegetables have been shown to make bodily fluids taste sweeter. Certain foods work better for this such as pineapples, melons, cinnamon, parsley, and celery. Drink water daily. Consider cutting down the amount of red meats, junk food, and heavy spices you eat as these foods tend to make bodily fluids taste a bit more pungent.

The second most common concern is related to technique. Specifically, I’m asked about deep throating penises and where exactly to lick a vulva or anus. If you are interested in a “deep throating” debut, like many other behaviors, I suggest starting small and working your way up to the penis size of your choice. One quick tip for this is to use your toothbrush to relax the muscles associated with your gagging. Each time you brush your teeth include your tongue and go a little farther back each time. This will gradually help to relax your gag reflex. When you’re ready to deep throat a penis or phallic object, try leaning backwards over a couch or bed that allows your throat to be open at a straight angle. With practice this gets easier and you can try different positions.

As for where to lick or suck a vulva, penis, or anus during oral sex, the best advice I can give is to ask your partner. Some peopless13 oral sex debut prefer to have partners focus on particular parts such as the clitoris or head of the penis, while others prefer minimal direct stimulation of these parts. If your partner is unaware of which parts they’d like stimulated orally, this can make for a fun debut! The two or more of you can explore what feels good where and how much of a good thing your partner can take. For safer oral sex debuts remember to use flavored condoms on penises and phallic toys. Dental dams are great for practicing safer oral sex on vulvas and anuses.

We’ve covered quite a few debuts this month however; there are several more debuts a person can have with regard to sex. For any sexual debut remember that communication and planning is generally a good idea. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Mar 23

Anal Debut Concerns: Pain and the Poop Factor

Posted on Saturday, March 23, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoWelcome back to another Sexy Saturday! Today’s topic is concerns commonly associated with anal penetration debuts as we continue with sexual debuts this month. Just to be clear, this article is not an attempt to convince you to try anal sex, rather to address common concerns for those who may be considering it or are simply curious with no intention of trying it. With that stated, the three most common concerns I hear with regard to anal penetration are whether or not it will be painful,  maintaining the ability to control defecating (pooping) after, and does anal sex mean you’re  gay. If done properly, your anal sex debut can be pleasurable for males and females.

With regard to pain, the first time your anus is penetrated it may be a little uncomfortable but not necessarily painful. Similarly to vaginal debuts, a little planning and preparation as well as foreplay can make a huge difference with anal sex debuts. The anus, unlike the vagina, is not going to lubricate itself. Therefore you’ll want to plan ahead and have a thicker lube handy. One of the jobs of the anus is to absorb liquid so having a thicker lube will last longer as it will take longer to be absorbed. Lube will help reduce anal tearing as well as increase pleasure.

With lube in hand you are ready to do an anal massage. Sound familiar from last week’s article? Anal massage is easy to do – put some lube on the anus and on you or your partner’s gloved fingers then gently rub the anal opening in a circular motion. Interesting thing about anuses is they have voluntary and involuntary sphincter muscles. If these muscles are stimulated and relaxed they will allow your finger(s) to slip right in. You want to start anal penetration with something small and gradually work your way up to a penis or phallus of your choice.

On to the second most common concern I hear: Will your butt-hole go back to the original size? While people state their concern thisSS12 anal sex way, when probed a bit deeper what they’re really wondering is whether or not their anus is going to be too loose to hold in fecal matter (poop). This answer is simple and easy – anal sex will not make your anus so loose that poop comes out when you don’t want it to. However, after your debut you may feel a little uncomfortable with regard to this concern for a few hours or days for some people.

A concern closely related to this one is whether or not feces will be present on the penis or phallus penetrating the anus. Again, with planning this concern can be easily eliminated. If you have a bowel movement 1 or more hours before you begin your anal debut you should be just fine. Depending on how recently you’ve moved your bowels there may be an odor of feces, but not much actual feces. If this is a major concern, you can use an anal enema to empty any remnants of fecal matter. Honestly though, I don’t think this is necessary for your debut. If you try anal sex and you plan to have it regularly and have issues with hygiene you may want to consider this at that time.

The third most common concern is does anal penetration mean you’re gay? No, it does not. This is true for males and females. What it does mean is that you are a person who enjoys the pleasures of sex and are open to experiencing such pleasure through anal stimulation. It does not make you less “manly” if you’re a heterosexual guy. In fact, in my opinion, it would make you more manly because you have the balls to experience anal pleasure despite stupid social stigmas here in the US.

Before I go, I’d like to leave you with this: if you don’t properly plan and prepare your anus for penetration it absolutely can be painful. For the record, it is not a good idea to have your anal sex debut in the back of your partner’s car no matter how big the back seat is. As with any sexual debut, being with someone you care about and you believe cares about you too can make for a much better emotional experience. In a later article I’ll discuss the benefits of anal pleasure for males and females. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Mar 16

Vaginal Debut Concerns: Will it Hurt?

Posted on Saturday, March 16, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, Women's health

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoAs promised in the Sexy Saturday’s article, I’m going to address a few common concerns and expectations associated with sexual debuts involving vaginal penetration. I’ll cover anal and oral penetration debuts next Saturday. Let’s get right to it.

With regard to vaginal penetration, most females have both a concern about and an expectation of pain, I know I did. Having a penis or phallic object penetrate your vagina for the first time can hurt a bit. However, for most women it is not as painful as we make it out to be in our head. You can reduce pain and discomfort associated with vaginal penetration by preparing in advance with a hymen massage.  If you have an intact hymen (layer of skin covering the vaginal opening – not all women have one), you or your partner can gently massage your hymen. This will help prepare the hymen for penetration.  Additionally, inserting 1 or more fingers into your vagina will gradually dilate your vaginal opening. This will give you a sense of what it feels like to be penetrated.  

When the time comes for you to have your vaginal penetration debut with a penis or phallus I suggest beginning with kissing and foreplay. Foreplay will help turn you on which and naturally lubricate your vagina AKA getting “wet”. The type and amount of foreplay will vary by partner. Foreplay may be a perfect time for you and your partner to try hymen massage again. When you’re ready to try being penetrated add a few drops of lube to your partner’s safely and properly protected penis or phallus then take a fewvaginal debut concern deep breaths to help you relax. If you’re able to do so, time the initial insertion with exhaling. Continue to breathe deeply until your breathing finds its natural rhythm.

The second most common concern that I hear from females is whether or not they will bleed.  If so, how much? For females with intact hymens at the time of initial debut, a small amount of blood may be present during intercourse. While the amount of blood varies from female to female, let me assure you there will not be so much blood that your sheets will be mistaken for a crime scene.

Although, many people have an expectation of having an orgasm the first time they’re penetrated, this is not likely. This part may or may not be good news: for those who are less sexually experienced, the average duration of sexual intercourse is less than 5 minutes. It generally takes penetration for a longer period of time as well as clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. As you become more experienced sex will last longer and become more pleasurable. Interestingly, research has shown that making love tends to last a little longer as well as be more passionate and pleasurable.

I’ve only addressed a few concerns and expectations that a female may have with experiencing her vaginal intercourse debut. If you have additional concerns, you can email them to me and I’ll address them here for you. While I’m a great resource, the best advice I can give you is to openly and honestly communicate any concerns and expectations you have with your partner. Your partner may have similar concerns or be able to put you at ease about yours.

Until next Saturday: Keep It Safe ‘n Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Mar 9

The First Time…

Posted on Saturday, March 9, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoThe first time I had consensual sexual intercourse I was a freshwoman in college; a week shy of my 18th birthday. My partner and I had gone camping with his family and a couple we were close to. I told him I was ready and wanted to have sex. Being that we had been together for 5 years and I was well known for not having sex, it took some convincing that I was serious. What happened next is none of your business…

Most people would say this was when I “lost my virginity.” However, this was not my initial sexual debut. My initial sexual debut happened a couple of years earlier when my partner convinced me to let them give me oral sex.  For purposes of this article, “sexual debut” is defined as a first sexual experience someone may have with another person(s).

While my first time was over a decade ago, the average age that young folks have their initial sexual intercourse debut is still around 17 years old in the US, for both males and females. Unfortunately, for young people of color and low-income folks the average age at sexual intercourse debut drops to around 12 years old. I have several thoughts as to why we see such a huge drop with these populations, but I’m not in the best mood and would go off on an institutionalized racism rant that I’m just not up for in this article. On a more positive note, the average age increases to about 19 when we look at young folks who go or plan to pursue college degrees.

I know some of you may be wondering why I just don’t use the phrase “losing one’s virginity.” The quick answer is that the phrase isimagesCA6V7339 heterosexist and not inclusive of non-heterosexual people or behaviors other than penis-vagina intercourse. However, “sexual debut” may be applied to a person’s initial debut into sex regardless of the type of sex or person’s sexual orientation.  It can refer to a person’s first time experiencing sex with a new partner, and/or the first time someone tries a new sexual behavior.  

The truth is most people – regardless of gender or orientation – go through some sort of sexual behavior progression, which means most of us have multiple debuts. Like me, many of us try oral or digital sex (AKA fingering) before vaginal or anal penetration with penises and/or phallic toys. Such a progression is often times based on what we think our peers may be engaging in. While our perceptions aren’t always accurate, research has shown conformity with peers and peer recognition to be among the most common reasons young people give for going through with various sexual debuts. Additional reasons young folks engage in sexual debuts include an increase in hormones as well as a desire for love and affection.

Depending on the reason for and type of debut a person may be considering, they may have specific concerns and expectations associated. I’m happy to provide information on common concerns and offer potential solutions next Sexy Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Mar 2

Sex for One!?!

Posted on Saturday, March 2, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoI woke up a little horny this morning. My partner and I don’t live together so it was up to me to relieve my horniness. Without hesitation, I masturbated until I had a small, yet, pleasurable orgasm. I would’ve tried for another, but as luck would have it, my daughter woke up.

Masturbation is solo sex with someone you love…well hopefully. It can be done alone, or in the presence of a partner making this sexy experience one that can be enjoyed by those who are sexually active with others and those who aren’t. For this reason and more, I love and encourage you to try masturbating.  I’m sure you’ll find that much like eating ruffles potato chips, you can’t masturbate just once. Some of you may be hesitant for religious or cultural reasons. The last thing I want to do is disrespect your beliefs, but seriously your palms won’t get hairy, nor will you go blind, or any other ridiculous myth you may have heard. I’m almost certain you won’t make yourself insensitive to other types of sexual stimulation.

What will likely happen is that you may notice that one motion feels better on parts of your body than others. For example, you may find that circular motions around your clitoris or head of your penis feel REALLY good. You may also learn that applying more or less pressure intensifies your pleasure.  You may discover that light vibration on your scrotum or perineum is just the extra “umph” you need to take you over the orgasmic edge. This knowledge can help you have more pleasurable solo and partnered sex experiences. That’s hot!

What’s even hotter is whatever you do to experience pleasure through masturbation is right. There is no wrong way to masturbate. masturbating Many people use only their fingers and hands. In doing so, some people insert their fingers in their vagina or anuses.  Others stick to external stimulation such as rubbing the vulva, or scrotum, or maybe grasping the penis. Some folks choose to use sex toys and/other aids to enhance their masturbatory experience. Still others may find something to hump or grind.

Here is my suggestion for your masturbatory debut: pick a time when you know you’re not going to be interrupted, light a candle and play some sexy music to set the mood for self seduction. Remove your clothes to get more comfortable. Gently lay yourself down and caress your body. Slowly make your way to your genitals. You may want to add lubrication at this point. As you touch yourself, make mental note of how your body responds to the various types of stimulation. Fantasizing while masturbating may help you orgasm faster, but is not required. Masturbation can be a pleasurable experience for people of all genders and orientations so long as you are able to stimulate your genitals. Happy masturbating!

Until next Saturday: Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

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