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May 30

It Could Happen to YOU!

Posted on Thursday, May 30, 2013 in Guest blogger

Ladies if you are going to be sexually active you cannot rely on the guys to use condoms, you need to protect yourself and be proactive about your health and body. Use birth control, use condoms when having sex. Don’t chance your future because you think it won’t happen to you.

Men will come into your life; they will charm and romance you till that romantic night happens that you have been waiting for. He doesn’t have a condom, but you want to please him and frankly you want to have sex too. He tells you, “we don’t have too” but you want to please him and honestly you want it also. The moment when it happens you are so happy and you feel completely safe in his arms. The kisses are more passionate and the movement between your body and his feels likes magic. As your breathing gets heavy, and you’re close to climax you look into his eyes and he’s looking right back at you. Giving you the sweetest kiss he leans into your ear and whispers “I really like you”.  That’s when you think he will never hurt me, he cares for me.  Lying in his arms after, you look at him and he smiles and gives you a kiss. No words need to be said because you both know how each other feels.

Being a busy college student you realize you haven’t seen him for about two weeks. But you’re not too worried because he has two jobs and doesn’t have a lot of free time. Another week goes by and you don’t even realize that three weeks have come and passed, and you missed your period. You aren’t too concerned because you’re sometimes late. A couple of more days go by and toTina blog image be on the safe side you make an appointment with the gynecologist the next day. Tomorrow comes and your nerves are going crazy, you are so incredibly nervous. Your name gets called and you lie down on the table with your feet in the stirrups and the exam begins. The doctor starts the sonogram and all of a sudden she says congratulations you are having a baby. You are so shocked and scared that you are numb, you feel no emotions. Lying there realizing that you are pregnant; a baby is inside of you growing. The only thing you are sure of is that the father is the guy you are head over heels for.

With this news you want to tell him right away and see how he feels about everything. Calling him you realize you have no clue what to say, but that’s okay because you know he cares about you. After you tell him, he is silent, and then all hell breaks loose. He asks if it is even his because you are a big slut and you could have cheated on him. Crying you tell him no it’s yours, I would never do that to you. Then it’s “I never liked you, I just used you for sex” and “I wish I never meet you.” Sobbing you ask him why is he doing this and he doesn’t respond. A minute or so of silence and he says “we were never together and we aren’t now either” and he hangs up. Falling to the ground you can’t believe what just happened, you are heartbroken and pregnant; all because you didn’t protect yourself.

Guest blogger: Tina Masoudi

San Ramon valley College Human Sexuality Class student spring 2013

May 25

Masturbate-A-Thon: Need I Say More?

Posted on Saturday, May 25, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoToday is probably the Sexiest Saturday of the year yet! The official masturbate-a-thon for National Masturbation Month is this evening! Are you going?  If not planning to participant in the event right now, by the end of the article maybe you will be. Unfortunately, I’m not going. My original reason for not participating is that as a sex educator, I’d hate to run into my super sex positive students while masturbating. I’m nearly 100% sure that’d be a turn-off for me.

Although I’m not formally participating here are 5 sexy reasons you should seriously consider it:

  1. For a good cause. The masturbate-a-thon was created to encourage a sex positive dialogue with regard to self-pleasure and masturbation.
  2. You can win a prize for masturbating longer than anyone else or having more orgasms than other contestants.  I think I could definitely win one of these, what about you?
  3. You can fill any exhibitionist fantasy you may have.  Many people have fantasies of exposing themselves. The masturbate-a-thon is a fabulous opportunity to expose your genitals, have fun, and experience pleasure all at that same time.
  4. Can fill any voyeuristic fantasy you may have. Just like folks have fantasies of exposing themselves, others may have fantasies of watching others be sexual. Again, masturbate-a-thon may be the best place for you to be this evening. If you’re really a voyeur, you may want to participate at the Center for Sex and Culture (CSC) as opposed to participating from home, which is also an option. Be sure to follow the rules so you don’t get disqualified though.SS21 masturbate a thon
  5. Hell, you get to masturbate! No explanation needed.

If you’ve never masturbated in front of others, let this be your public masturbation debut. If you’ve never masturbated, check out Sex for One – an earlier post on solo sex debuts including tips for achieving maximum pleasure. Everyone masturbates a little differently. Don’t believe? Just watch – if you go to the event tonight.

Now that you’ve been convinced to “come for a cause,” here’s the deets you’ll need to know. The Masturbate-a-thon will be held at the CSC located at 1349 Mission St. in San Francisco, CA. You can arrive as early as 7pm. There is a $30 participation fee that can be paid at the door. If you completed the pledge form early, bring that with you to enter. All funds raised will go to support efforts of the CSC.

Writing about masturbating has made me want to, well, masturbate. My informal participation shall continue now. I’m pretty sure I can win most self-induced orgasms! I’m just saying….Until next Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 18

Wetter is Better!

Posted on Saturday, May 18, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoContrary to popular belief lubricants (lube) are not just for female bodied people. Although lube is a great liquid supplement for natural vaginal lubrication, any sexually active person can enjoy the benefits of lube.  Here are three reasons to add lube to your repertoire of sexy tools:

1. Lube increases sensation when practicing safer sex with barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams. Anytime you or your partner wear a condom, dental dam, glove, etc. you experience less sensation because the latex – or whatever material your method is made of – creates a barrier between your body and theirs. This barrier adds an extra layer between the two of you thus reducing the sensations you would feel having raw, unprotected sex.

2. Lube increases the durability of your safer sex barrier method. This is pretty hot! Lube helps to reduce friction during sexual play. If you’re not quite sure what friction is, put your hands together and start rubbing. Gain speed as you rub.  The more and faster you rub you’ll notice heat being created. Many of you will also notice that your hands are getting a bit sticky from the sweat the heat is creating. What you are experiencing is very much like friction. When condoms experience friction they are likely to rip or tear. Lube helps to keep things feeling slippery during friction, reducing the risk of tearing.  

3. Lube can be added to any body part, or toy for more pleasurable sensation.  For example, lube can be added to your genitals or fingers to make masturbation feel better. You can also put lube on your hand to make hand-jobs more pleasurable.  I don’t know about you, but my arm gets tired rather quickly and if lube can help me, I’m all for it!

Before you go making everything slippery there’s a bit more information you should know. There are 3 main types of lube: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based.  Some lubes may be better than others based on the site of penetration or safer sex materialss20 wetter better being used. For example, a thick water-based lube would be great for protected anal sex. Here’s a quick overview of the different types of lube.

Water-based lube is cheap and widely available in sexually oriented businesses, grocery stores, and local pharmacies such as Walgreen’s or CVS. It is safe to use with latex barriers and all sex toys. This lube tends to become sticky when it starts to dry, but can be rejuvenated by adding a few drops of water.

Silicone-based lube is often more expensive than water-based. Silicone has a feeling that is similar to oil in that it is thin and quite slippery. Silicone-based lube can be used with various materials such as latex, polyurethane, polyisoprene and more. However, you have to be careful when using silicone lube with silicone based sex toys as it may deteriorate your toy. As a general rule, I just wouldn’t use the two together.

Oil-based lube is great because it is extra slippery! However, oil-based lubes should not be used with latex barriers, as it can deteriorate the material.  

My last bit of information on this topic is that lube is available in various consistencies including liquid, gel, lotion, and more! However, regardless of the type of lube or preferred consistency, it is a good idea to check for the presence of glycerin or other sugars as they may irritate the vagina or anus. Some folks are more sensitive to this than others. If you’re a current Cal student, stop by the health Promotion office in Tang to pick up free water or silicone-based lube samples. If you’re not a Cal student, check out the sexy aisle on your next trip to the grocery store or pharmacy. Either way, wetter is better! Until next Saturday…

 Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

May 11

From Topless Dancer to Sex Educator

Posted on Saturday, May 11, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoOver the past few weeks, I’ve been asked several times how I got into the field of sex ed. So, I’m writing this Sexy Saturday article on why I became a sexual health educator so the next time I’m asked this question I can simply direct folks here for the answer.  Generally when I’m asked this question I make a quick decision as to whether I’m going to answer with the full truth or the cleaner, simpler version.  For now, you’ll get the truncated version.  

When I was in the second grade my Auntie Vette was a topless dancer at the Dancin’ Sunshine. I thought she was the coolest person with the best job ever! She would let me help put liquid latex on her nipples and take it off later. To me that was like putting glue in your hand and pulling it off like skin after it dries. Even cooler than applying latex to her nipples were her costumes. My aunt had the shiniest, most colorful and glamorous costumes and shoes I’d ever seen. She would pay me $20 to put her costumes in the washer and another $20 to put them in the dryer. I like dancing, money, and sexy bikinis so Iss 19 pasties thought she had the perfect job!

When my second grade teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, I proudly exclaimed that I wanted to be a “titty dancer.” Needless to say that prompted a phone call to my mother.  That evening my mother patiently explained to me that being a topless dancer was not the best goal to aspire to and I needed to come up with something better to want to be in life. I settled on being a “pee-pee” doctor. To avoid another embarrassing phone call from the school my mom did some research and found out the correct term was a urologist. For the next 8 years or so, I conducted my own unethical, less than scientific experiments on penis size in relation to other body parts.

In high school I took my first psychology class. As I learned more about the field of psychology and the important role that our psyche plays in sex and sexuality I was intrigued. That was also around the time I learned that urologists mostly saw sick and unhealthy penises. What teenage girl wants to see a sick penis? I decided to give up my dream of being a urologist and focus on being a sex therapist instead. Sex therapy was rather appealing. I would have the ability to help frame the way others think about sex and get paid well to do it. With this in mind, I pursued a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Mills College.

My senior year at Mills one of my roommates was struggling with a class that I had taken and aced. Naturally, she asked me to tutor her in the class. I taught her the class material using her interests so the concepts would resonate more. A second roommate observed these tutoring sessions and commented that I’d make a good educator. I laughed it off at the time because I was on my way to being a world renowned sex therapist and educators weren’t making any money – unfortunately that last part hasn’t changed. Luckily for me and the young folks I work with – I did change. 

After graduating with my bachelor’s degree I started to think more seriously about what it meant to be a sex therapist. At the time the majority of sex therapy clients were there as a result of a court order. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could ss19 sex ednever be objective with court ordered clients accused of rape.  However, my desire to shape the way people thought about sex never waivered. Overtime, the seed of being an educator was growing as it was watered with more mature thoughts. By the time I learned of the masters program in human sexuality studies at San Francisco State University, I was clear that I wanted to be a sex educator. To me, there is no more powerful position on earth than being an educator. By shaping the way our young people think about and approach sex and sexual health, I believe that I am doing my part to make the world a better and more accepting place for my daughter and others who will come after me.  Although being an educator can be thankless at times, knowing that I am making a positive difference in the lives of youth and women makes the low pay and long hours worth it. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 4

Rape Lyrics: Rick Ross Isn’t the Only One

Posted on Saturday, May 4, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday! I moved last weekend and spent this past week cleaning out my old place. To make things go faster, I listened to a variety of music stations. Some stations I listened to live while others I listened to through my “I <3 radio” app. I had about 7 go to, hip-hop and R&B stations. Apparently I had a trigger song as well. Every time this song came on that was my queue to change the station. This must be a popular song because I changed stations a lot. The song is How Many Drinks by R&B artist, Miguel. I know some of you are thinking “Oh, that’s my song!” That’s fine, the song has a great beat, but I encourage you to listen more closely to the words the next time you hear the song.

In the first verse of this song, Miguel is already heading in the wrong direction when he sings “frustration watching you dance, invitation to get in them pants.” Just because someone is dancing in such a way that turns you on does not in any way mean that person wants to have sex with you. Dancing is just dancing and should not be taken as an invitation to do anything more. The chorus opens with him being honest about the fact that he “aint leavin’ alone.” Well, gee, thanks for your honesty. A few short lines later heSS18 Miguel article asks “how many drinks would it take for you to leave with me?”  Wow! Really? Where is Miguel from? I certainly hope he’s not from California because it’s illegal to get people drunk and have sex with them as you imply here in your song lyrics. In California that is considered rape.

From there the song gets rude and condescending. But it has a slow and sexy beat so some may not notice the lyrics. If they do, maybe they aren’t thinking about what the lyrics mean.  That’s what I have to tell myself because clearly Miguel went to the club with the idea of finding someone to take home for sexual purposes. Instead of relying on his personality and good looks, he chooses to ply the person with drinks until they “decide” to go home with him. I’ve never seen him – is he not that good looking?

As you can see, this song really irks me. People were so upset with Rick Ross over his song where he raps about drugging females and having sex with them that he lost his Reebok endorsement. Well, Miguel’s song is the exact same thing. Only his drug of choice was alcohol. By the amount of times I had to change stations because of this song, I can only imagine that it is quickly climbing the music charts. I’m not defending Rick Ross, I think Miguel, Webbie and a few others who’ve rapped or sang about raping people should be treated similarly and have endorsements taken away. No one should be rewarded for bad behavior. However, people apparently use alcohol as a tool to obtain sex so regularly that few others have recognized this song as contributing to rape culture. But rather listen, and dance whenever it is played.

I’m not calling for a boycott of anyone’s music. Listen, dance, hell sing a long if you feel so inclined. I do, however, think it’d be freaking awesome if people would listen more closely to some of the popular song lyrics and think about the impact the messages have. I’m just saying. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

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