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Jul 27

Who Do You Twerk For?

Posted on Saturday, July 27, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoHow are you on this Sexy Saturday? I was recently in Sacramento where I learned of something called “yiking” – a new dance that young people are doing. Like twerking and many other dances young folks do, yiking is yet another dance that looks as if young folks are having sex on the dance floor. Kadeejah, the young person who told me about it, was surprised I didn’t already know about yiking. I asked her to explain it and she basically said “yiking” was one of those things I’d have to see to understand. You know I asked her to show me. Citing her lack of a willing partner and inability to do some of the more risqué moves she directed me to several videos on YouTube.

While watching the yiking videos I hand many thoughts going through my head – most of which should not and will not be shared in this article. I couldn’t help but think how ironic it was that so many young men have come to me explaining that their female partners don’t really “do” anything in bed. I find this hard to believe on one hand, and on the other had I can somewhat believe it.

With dances like yiking and tweaking anyone should understand why I have a hard time believing that some young women “just lay(more…)

Jul 20

The Elusive “O”

Posted on Saturday, July 20, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoHave you ever had a great sexual experience but found yourself wondering if you had an orgasm? If so, this Sexy Saturday’s article is for you.  First, I have to tell you there are various orgasms recognized. For example Sigmund Freud believed women could only experience orgasms vaginally or in our clitoris. He also thought that mature women preferred vaginal orgasms to clitoral. He’d think I am incredibly immature because I prefer any orgasm I’m having.

Some people agree with Freud that there are 2 types of female orgasms, others believe in only one type of orgasm, and still others think multiple types of orgasms are possible. I believe in one basic orgasm caused by different types of stimulation.  As a result, orgasms feel more intense in the area where the stimulation is focused. In general the majority of orgasms are pleasurable contractions in the uterus, pelvic muscles, and anal sphincters that occur rapidly. Orgasms also include muscle spasms or tensing all over your body, with an increase in heart rate and blood pressure.  Such orgasmic sensations may be focused either directly or indirectly on clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation, or any combination of these.

Direct clitoral orgasms feel like rapid contractions radiating from the clitoris. You can achieve this type of orgasm by stimulating the glans, or head, of the clitoris. You’ll find the glans just under the clitoral hood. As you get aroused the clitoral hood will slide back, revealing the head of the clitoris. Clits respond to various types of stimulation. You and your partner can have fun trying different types of pressure, motion, and methods. Toys can be a super fun addition!

Indirect clitoral orgasms often feel like rapid contractions spreading from inside the vagina. The clitoris is more than the part youSS 29 Clit parts can see. It extends inside the body with legs that can be stimulated with vaginal penetration. By stimulating the legs of the clitoris, the clitoris itself may be indirectly stimulated to orgasm. If this is the type or orgasm you’re going for, try penetrating the vagina with a penis, dildo, vibrator, or some other hard phallic object. Alternating motion may help.

G-spot orgasms are often felt as rapid contractions deeper in the vagina and may be accompanied by female ejaculatory fluid – you may have heard of it. There is some controversy over whether the “g-spot” really exists. I assure you my g-spot exists. I believe your g-spot exists as well; you may just need a little help finding and stimulating yours. If you or your partner insert a finger about 1-2 knuckles into your vagina, facing toward the belly you’ll feel tissue that is a bit harder and ridged, kind of like the roof of your mouth. Congrats, you’ve found the g-spot! Stimulate this area using that cheesy “come here” 2-finger wave. After several minutes of continued stimulation you may feel as if you’re going to urinate before experiencing female ejaculation. 

Combo orgasm can be any combination of the orgasms just described. To achieve this type of orgasm you’ll need to stimulate multiple areas at the same time. It may be easier to have a g-spot and indirect clitoral orgasm because the vagina and g-spot can be easily stimulated simultaneously.  However, ladies, it may be worth it to mention that several sex toys are designed to stimulate multiple areas of your pleasure zone simultaneously for as long as you’d like.  

The degree of intensity that we feel with each orgasm varies.  I totally also believe that because we’re awesome, many women have the ability to have any of the orgasms described over and over and over. You may have one huge earth moving orgasm with mild aftershocks. You may have a series of smaller orgasms leading up to a larger orgasm. You may have 1 orgasm.  Best of all – you can experience all of these orgasms solo or with a partner! I hope this helps you achieve that elusive orgasm and know it. Until next Saturday…

 Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jul 13

Sex Positive:Its a way of life

Posted on Saturday, July 13, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoHey! It’s Sexy Saturday! A while ago one of my co-workers asked me to write about being sex positive.  Always the Sex Goddess of my word, co-worker this article is for you.  Being sex positive is easy. However, before I tell you how to be sex positive, you have to understand “sex positive”. Recently, Paslay and Fein defined sex positive as “an approach to human sexuality regarding individual choices of consensual sexual expression which over time cultivate health and happiness as fundamentally good”[1] Wow, that’s a mouthful! Being sex positive is really quite a simple concept.

The word “sex” in this regard may refer to gender, sexuality, behaviors, desires and fantasies, identities and more. Positive is having a favorable perception, thoughts, or outlook towards aspects or characteristics in the personality and lifestyle of ourselves and others. Therefore sex positive means thinking of fantasies, sexy thoughts, ways we and others like to get busy with our partners, expressions of gender, and much more as normal as long as we are safe and all parties willingly consent. See? Simple.  

Now that we’re on the same page about what sex positive means, being sex positive is rather easy. You can be sex positive bySS 29 Sex Pos accepting others and their sexual orientations, behaviors, identities, and such exactly as they are and not who, what, or how you think they should be. A lot of people talk about acceptance but don’t really say what it is.  I’m going to break it down as basic as possible, acceptance is treating  everyone as normal and equal, period. No need to add “regardless of…”, because with true acceptance the statement has no meaning.  Being sex positive then is accepting all sexual identities and safe and consensual behaviors as equal and normal. Sex positive is about understanding difference and recognizing that sometimes it’s our differences that make us each special, wonderful, and unique people.

Let’s say you’re having lunch with a friend who tells you they have different sexual tastes than you. Maybe your friend is into having open relationships while you prefer monogamy. Do you a) tell your friend they’re freaky – in the best sense, of course, then proceed to ask them 101 questions about how and why they prefer open relationships; b) tell your friend it’s cool – then go blab to others that you’re friend is a little weird; or c) thank you for friend for disclosing their intimate thoughts, give them the space to share more if they want and continue with lunch as planned.  Here’s another example, say a friend tells you they’re gay. Do you a) stop being their friend; b) continue being friends, but make sure to never get undressed in front of them anymore – after all you don’t want them checking you out; or c) accept and support your friend. If you chose C both times, you’re well on your way to being sex positive.

Being sex positive is not without its disappointments. Nor does it mean that you agree with everything others do.  Hell, everyone makes a bad decision now and then.  When you accept others as they are, sometimes you may find that who they are is not necessarily who you want them to be. Other times you’ll find that who they are is much better than you ever could have imagined.  Dear co-worker, a sex positive person may not indulge in a particular behavior, yet would never denigrate or discriminate against those who do enjoy participating in a particular behavior safe and consensually. Sex positive is an attitude, being sex positive is a way of life.  Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.



[1] Sex Positive Culture. http://www.sex-positive.com/. Accessed July 12, 2013.

Jul 6

Costumes and Gay Pride: What’s the connection?

Posted on Saturday, July 6, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday. I went to San Francisco gay PRIDE parade and celebration last weekend and had a fantastic, yet, very different experience than in past years. Not because of the floats or record number of people; it was different because of my thoughts.

I do my best to keep a sex positive attitude and I tried to maintain it throughout PRIDE. However, a few times I found myself wondering about some of the fashion choices displayed. I’m not writing about the half-naked folks. No, I enjoyed that immensely! The fashion choices that baffled me and tested my sex positive attitude were the many costumes worn by parade attendees. Costumes at PRIDE are not new at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing costumes when appropriate – Halloween, Folsom Street Fair, theme parties, with and for partners.Furries at SF PRIDE 2013

While entertaining, costumes are more about fetishes, role-playing, and pleasure than sexual orientation. My understanding is that PRIDE is a celebration of same-sex love. Given the recent SCOTUS and California state rulings regarding same-sex marriage -not to mention the timing- I feel like gay people are under a larger microscope than in recent years. I’m not sure if some of the costumes worn send the best message regarding lesbian, gay, and bisexual folks. This is especially mind-boggling to me when I think of the many lesbian and gay people who have had to put on heterosexual “costumes” for far too long to avoid discrimination and possible violence.

Obviously I’ve failed to fully see the connection between wearing costumes and celebrating same-sex love. Sure, gay people can also enjoy wearing costumes, but what is the connection to having gay PRIDE? I sort of get the reference to super hero costumes given theShaved Body Hair guy at PRDIE 2013 recent wins for same-sex marriage. I would get the “fairy” costumes more if there had been man fairies. Then I could see the play on the word.  However, I’m still struggling to understand the connection between the furries, plushies, and fully naked men with artistically shaved body hair to mention a few. If the connection is fetish related – which I don’t believe it is – Folsom Street Fair is more appropriate. I find it hard to take people in costume serious if it’s not Halloween or one of the other aforementioned occasions. I believe that love is serious for everyone regardless of orientation. I’m just saying. Or maybe I’m getting old.

While I was a bit puzzled by the costumes, overall this year’s PRIDE celebration was freaking awesome! The parade was super long. It was going when I arrived around 11am and was still going when I left around 4:30pm. The penis from the program I coordinate (Sexual Health Education Program) at UC Berkeley was in the parade with the Berkeley Free Clinic. The festivities following the parade were fun. The food was good as usual. I had a somewhat good position to see the parade perched atop a mini-pole in front of where the cable cars turn around. While perched several Asian men took my picture. Maybe they’ve never seen a Black woman as sexy as me. Just playing…sort of. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

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