RSS Feed
Aug 31

Comfortable in Your Own Body

Posted on Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWhen I was pregnant I knew that I was having a daughter yet wouldn’t tell others because I don’t like the color pink and didn’t want my daughter to be covered in it. During my pregnancy I made it to clear to my mother and midwife that if my child was born with ambiguous genitals that her genitals were not to be surgically corrected but rather to be left alone until my child gets old enough to decide the correct course of action to take, if any, with regard to the appearance of her genitals. Understandably, being transgender is not the same as being intersex or having ambiguous genitals. However, it is important for everyone to feel comfortable in their own body and skin.

More often than not, parents and society make decisions for young people that may be harmful to that person’s mental, emotional, and sometimes physical and sexual development. Some of these decisions are made while babies are still in the uterus. For example, after learning the sex of their baby several parents will purchase pink clothes for girls and blue clothes for boys, effectively gendering their child. Gendering of children continues as they grow older with boys being given trucks and action figures to play with while girls are encouraged to play with dolls and miniature kitchens. I’m calling BS on the gendering of children.

My daughter wears both boy and girl clothes, plays with whatever toys she’d like with the exception of guns because I don’t want to encourage violence.  She enjoys trucks and building structures out of blocks, sand, or whatever she finds around the house.  Like a lot of young girls, my daughter likes the color pink – against my desires – but her favorite color is the gender neutral yellow.

My daughter is almost 3 and is reaching the point where she understands gender a little better. Sometimes she tells me she’s a boy, but more often says she is a girl.  By the time my transgenderdaughter enters kindergarten she will have a clear understanding of what gender she identifies as. Given her love for skirts and frilly girly things, I imagine my daughter is cisgendered – meaning that she likely identifies as a female in accordance with her biological sex. However, if for any reason she is transgender and identifies as a boy, that’s just fine with me. I want my daughter to be as comfortable in her body as possible. Furthermore, I want my child to know that as her mother I support whomever she is 100%.  I would respect her identity and would expect other people to do the same.

As such, you can imagine my excitement when Governor Jerry Brown recently signed a bill in support of school age transgender youth. This bill allows transgender students to choose which restroom to use in school. The bill also allows transgender students to play sports that have been traditionally segregated based on biological sex. I think this is a great start to transgender people being accepted as who they are and not who society or their parents think they should be. Many young people can tell you what gender they identify as by the age of 4. If you have a school-age child in your life who has a vagina yet identifies as a boy, that child is likely transgender and should be respected as such.  It’s hard enough growing up, period. Who needs the added stress of having their gender questioned by others? Until next Saturday…

Keep It Safe ‘n Sexy,

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess

 

Aug 24

Enthusiastic Consent is Sexy

Posted on Saturday, August 24, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWith all the talk in the media about sexual assault on college campuses lately, I can’t help but write about consent.  I get that consent can be difficult to get or give under certain circumstances such as being under the influence, having a power differential, or when in abusive relationships. This is just as true for adults as it is for teens and young adults. For many young folks these issues are magnified if you are away from home for the first time, and trying to fit in to a community that you don’t know well.

I’m a pretty confident person. Okay, that’s an understatement; I ooze confidence and have been told several times by a good guy friend that I speak up for myself too much – as if that’s possible.  Even still I was a victim of sexual assault by an acquaintance during my undergrad years at Mills. One evening I made a dumb decision to go back to a guy’s apartment that I didn’t know very well. We smoked some weed and were hanging out when he started putting the moves on me. I was not at all attracted to this guy. However, he had picked me up at my dorm and I didn’t have any other way back. His behavior was making me extremely uncomfortable and scaring me. I was stuck between a hard dick and an Asshole pressuring me to give him a blow job.  I have to really like a guy to give them oral sex as it feels more intimate to me.  In an effort to end the situation quickly and get back to my dorm safely, I agreed to have sex instead.  I closed my eyes and mentally removed myself from the experience leaving only my physical body there – something therapists commonly refer to as dissociation. The sex was horrible but luckily for me it ended it rather quickly.

Usually, I was great about letting a friend know where I was, who I was with, and what time to expect me back. My friends knew to call 9-1-1 and my mother if I they had not heard fromis me by the time I was due back. That night, I violated the friend agreement and left somewhat late without letting anyone know. I regret that.

This is the first time I’ve disclosed the events of that particular evening.  However, that night was not my first experience with sexual abuse or assault. I’d been through years of that when I was younger, which is how I knew I could dissociate long enough to live through the experience. That night in my dorm I promised myself that would be the last time anyone took advantage of me sexually.

From that day forth, I have spoken up for myself, especially with regard to sexual experiences. I say “yes” to sex that I want and a clear “no” to sex I don’t want.  I strongly suggest that you do so as well. If you’re on the other end and want to have sex with someone else, be sure you get consent before doing anything sexual.  Many of us are taught that no means no. However, sometimes we don’t have the ability to say no. It’s not enough to assume that your partner wants to have sex if they don’t say no. It’s good practice to get or give consent when making out, giving or receiving oral sex, as well as having penis-vagina, penis-anus, or vulva to vulva sex.  Obtaining consent for each act as sexual activity progresses requires you and your partner(s) to openly communicate about your sexual wants. This should be done free of force or coercion. It’s best if you and your partner(s) are excited about the sex you plan to have and clearly consent to it. Employing the concept of enthusiastic consent can save you and your partner(s) a lot of pain and possible legal fees. Until next Saturday…

Keep It Safe ‘n Sexy,

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Aug 17

Safer Sex Plan for Going back to School

Posted on Saturday, August 17, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

I remember my school days. Getting ready to go back was somewhat of a ritual. It started with shopping for the hottest clothes with shoes to match. I’d have my nails done the weekend before school started so they’d be fresh. The night before the first day I’d set aside my outfit and make my final hair decision. Year after year I did this. It was great. I had a clear plan for going back to school and I made all necessary preparations to successfully execute my plan. When I started having sexual experiences I employed a similar idea with my safer sex practices – always have a clear plan and come prepared. In that way going back to school is a lot like practicing safer sex.

From time to time I’ve had to revise both plans. My back to school plan had to be revised annually based on the latest fashion trend and my personal swag at the time. My safer sex plan has been through several revisions. As I fully plan to continue dating and having sex my safer sex plan is sure to have more revisions. More often than not my safer sex plan revisions are tied to my relationship status.

When I’m in a relationship my safer sex plan is usually to discuss with my partner any sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and share our safer sex beliefs. Then together we make a plan to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancy during the relationship. I’m usually on some sort of hormonal birth control therefore most of the talk is about how to prevent infections. A few go to options are to use condoms, get tested for STIs together, and agree to be monogamous. I generally request all three. However, I’m open to the occasional other. Preparation for this plan involves scheduling appointments for testing and communicating with my partner. Both good ideas when I’m single as well. In a few relationships the plan was not to use condoms for STI prevention but rather to get tested together and trust each other to be exclusively monogamous; and trust my birth control to prevent pregnancy. This plan works best when both partners truly are monogamous. I’m just saying. Preparing for this plan is easy, maintaining it is a different story.

My safer sex plan when I’m single – which I am right now – is the one I’m more familiar with. This plan is quite simple – be prepared at all times! I carry condoms in my purse every day, everywhere I go just in case I get that loving feeling. I even have a couple of cases to carry my condoms in to keep them fresh and handy. One looks like a makeup compact with a mirror and hidden compartment. The other is simple and fits in my back pocket. My carriers fit 2 condoms making it easy for me to provide size options.

While I’m no longer practicing my back to school ritual, I still stick to my safer sex plan. If you or any young person you know is hoping to be sexually active this year, consider adding a safer sex plan to your back to school ritual. Keep it safe and sexy this school year. Until next Saturday…

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Aug 10

Aphrodisiac Smorgasbord

Posted on Saturday, August 10, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI’ve been extra horny lately. In fact, for the past few days I’ve been suffering from blue clit and blue lips – a non-medical condition resulting from lack of releasing sexual tension while horny; similar to “blue balls” in males.  Being in what feels like a perpetual state of horniness got me to wondering what I’ve been doing different. Then it dawns on me that I’ve been trying to increase my sexy by eating healthy. I’ve been trying to incorporate more fruits and vegetables while cutting down on carbohydrates and eliminating red meats altogether. Would you believe many of the healthy ingredients in my new diet are considered food aphrodisiacs?

As part of my quest to increase my sexy, I’ve eaten asparagus, broccoli, and salads with a variety of mixed baby greens, nuts, and fruits. Last night I had the nerve to have a pineapple drink, too.  Some of the foods I’ve eaten are well known aphrodisiacs either for their interesting genital-like shape or mythical abilities to enhance libido and sexual arousal.  As I did a bit of research, I was somewhat amazed with the lesser known food aphrodisiacs I’ve been eating.

I like to put mixed baby greens such as mustard and collard greens in my salad along with green and red leaf lettuces. Mustard greensSS 32 aphrodisiacs belong to the brassica vegetable family which is believed to increase virility.  I then top my salad with phallic shaped vegetables such as carrots and cucumbers.  I recently had a cucumber that I considered not eating. I may include nuts like almonds and walnuts on my salad. No, the aphrodisiac quality is not being a “nut”. Almonds earned their place as an aphrodisiac because their aroma is thought to arouse female sexual passion. Almonds are also believed to be a symbol of fertility. I don’t think passion equals fertility; however, I do understand the loose connection and how this myth came about. Who knew a simple salad could have such sexy benefits?

Anyone who knows me knows I have a major sweet tooth that I have been trying to satisfy with fruits and fat-free hot tamales – the candy not the Mexican dish.  As a result I also sometimes put white peaches, apples, grapes, and strawberries in my salad too.  Peaches are well known for their female genital appearance – and they’re sweet and juicy! Need I say more? Strawberries have been described as “nipples” in some erotica and are often seen as a symbol of love and passion.

As if putting peaches and strawberries in my salad wasn’t enough to make me horny, I’ve also been using these aphrodisiac fruits inSS 32 aphrodisiacs 2 my morning breakfast smoothie along with the phallic shaped banana. After reading of the healthy qualities offered in asparagus, I’ve been eating much more of that as well. In addition to their phallic shape, asparagus is said to have a quite pleasurable surprise if eaten for 3 days prior to sexual experiences. As I mentioned earlier, I had a wonderful pineapple based drink.  Had I been lucky enough to get some oral loving, I would have tasted sweet thanks to the pineapples. Between my sexy salads, smoothies, and dinner sides it’s like I’ve been eating a smorgasbord of aphrodisiacs. No wonder I’m super horny now! If you find yourself feeling extra horny and you don’t know why you may want to consider what you’ve been eating. Your diet may make you healthy and horny! Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Aug 3

Easy EC Access

Posted on Saturday, August 3, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley, Women's health

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logo

There has been a lot of talk about the recent  Food and Drug Administration (FDA) changes to emergency contraception (EC), commonly referred to as the “morning after pill”. Specifically, the FDA has made it easier for young people to access EC. Woohoo! Until now EC had been considered an over the counter, behind the counter medication for young folks aged 17 and older meaning that it was stored in the pharmacy area, but that anyone 17 and older could purchase it without a prescription. Anyone under 17 was required to have a prescription to purchase EC at a pharmacy or drug store. Of course, Planned Parenthood being the rock stars of reproductive justice that they are – has been providing EC to people as young as 12 years old here in the golden state for quite some time now.  However, per the new FDA guidelines age restrictions for EC are now lifted. This is awesome because you no longer have to go to the pharmacy section to obtain EC. You can simply go get if off the shelf as you would do aspirin, tampons, or lotion.

Emergency contraception is a great option for females who have penis-vagina sex and the condom breaks, or for whatever reason SS 31 rosie the riverter ECmay not have been used during sex. It is to be used in the case of an emergency to prevent unintended pregnancy. Emergency contraception comes in pill form as well as a non-hormonal intrauterine device (IUD).  While EC is most effective when taken within 72 hours after having unprotected penis-vagina sex, it works up to 120 hours or 5 days after unprotected sex.  Side effects of EC may include nausea, vomiting, pain or discomfort in the abdominal area, and headaches. In some females it may temporarily cause abnormal menstrual cycles.

Taking EC will not cause as abortion. The hormones found in the pill version work to stop ovulation so that you are not releasing an egg to potentially be fertilized. If you have already started ovulating, EC will thicken the mucous found at the cervical opening making it very difficult for sperm to reach your egg.  Lastly, it will immediately thin the lining of your uterus making it nearly impossible for a fertilized egg to implant itself in the uterine wall. You are not considered pregnant until you have a fertilized egg firmly implanted in the uterus or in cases of ectopic pregnancies, in the fallopian tube.

Although the pill based version of EC contains synthetic hormones similar to those in regular hormonal birth control methods, it is not intended to be used as a regular method of birth control hence the name “emergency contraception”.   If you find yourself needing to take EC more than 6-8 times per year, I suggest seriously considering getting on a hormonal birth control method such as the pill, patch, ring, or other method.  Feel free to email me with any questions or concerns you may have about the birth controlSS 31 EC image 1 methods mentioned. If you’re a UC Berkeley student, you can schedule a health and wellness appointment to discuss available contraceptive options. I can talk birth control in my sleep.

As you just read the perks of EC are just as awesome as the recently lifted age restrictions. What isn’t so awesome is the price of EC. Emergency contraception prices range from $50-70 for generic and name brands. UC Berkeley students can get EC at University Health Services, Tang Center, for only $30.  Even at $30 the price for EC may be a barrier for many young people. If you are a young person who needs EC but can’t afford to pay for it, you can visit your local family planning clinic such as Planned Parenthood for low to no cost EC. So you can’t say I didn’t warn you – you will pay with your time at Planned Parenthood so take some homework, or something to keep you entertained while you wait. Until next Saturday…

Keep It Safe ‘n Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: