RSS Feed
Oct 26

Is It Love or Hormones?

Posted on Saturday, October 26, 2013 in News Release, Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday! Picture this: You met someone and ended up hooking up with them. The sex was good, you had a great time and you agreed to see this person again. Same thing happens. Next thing you know you’re regular sex buddies. Before long you think you may be falling in love with your sex partner and want more than a casual hook up.

Not too long ago this very thing happened to a friend of mine. She asked me why she keeps falling in love with the guys she sleeps with. More recently, my female students in San Ramon have been asking similar questions. The answer is as much biological as it is social and physical. When we have sex we release hormones throughout the sexual experience. One of those hormones is oxytocin. This hormone is more commonly produced by females during orgasm as well as during and after child-birth. Oxytocin is believed to make people want to bond. The impact oflove or hormones 1 oxytocin on bonding and attachment has been so well documented that some researchers refer to it as the “cuddle hormone”. Basically, the more you have sex with a person the more attached you’ll become.

As you become more attached to a person you may want to spend more time with them. This is likely to result in you feeling more familiar with the person. Researchers have identified familiarity as also being important when it comes to falling in love. The more comfortable and familiar you become with your sex partner you may want to spend even more time with them. You can thank the hormone vasopressin for that. Vasopressin is a hormone released during orgasm that is associated with long-term commitments. So we’re clear, during sex and orgasm women release a combination of hormones that make us want to be closer to people over an extended period of time.   In answer to my friend and students question – if you couple the biological factors (hormones) with the more social factor  and experience of being familiar with someone it makes perfect sense that you may develop feelings for or even fall in love with someone who you have sex with on a repeated or regular basis. Of course there are other factors such as similarity, attraction and understanding that are important with regard to falling in love.

The follow-up question with my hetero friend was “why doesn’t the same thing happen to guys?” Guys also release hormones during sex. However, the main hormone released for men is dopamine. Dopamine is associated with pleasure. No further explanation needed! I’m just playing. As men continue to have sex with the same partner it is likely that over a period of time feelings will also be developed. Keep in mind that it may not happen at your desired time, if ever. Okay, dear friend and students, I hope this answered your question. Until next Saturday…

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Oct 24

Car Sex: Tricky Yet Doable

Posted on Thursday, October 24, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoGiven my bad luck with cars this past year, I have cars on the brain. As such, a friend challenged me to incorporate cars into a Sexy Saturday’s article. Challenge accepted!

Is car sex a thing of the past?  I’m wondering because I don’t hear much about sex in cars these days nor do I see it as commonly on television as I used to. When I was growing up sex in cars was wildly popular. Especially if you had recently gotten your driver’s license, had access to a vehicle, and needed somewhere to have a sexual experience because your parents were home.  I never had that particular experience per se, yet I know many, many, many folks who did.

After leaving for college and having my initial sexual debut, I admit car sex sounded rather interesting. Not because I didn’t have privacy – I was living in a dorm, but because I had not experienced sex in cars and was curious about it. My appeal to car sex had a lot to do with having sex in a new place that was not a bed. However, it had more to do with the possibility of getting caught. Many people enjoy the thrill and rush that comes with public sex for that very reason. While car sex can be fun and thrilling, it is illegal in most counties, and can be tricky to figure out in some instances.

One of my first car sex experiences was one that shall never be forgotten. It was my sophomore year; late 90’s. I had taken the train back home to Sacramento. My partner picked me up in his long, old-school car that conveniently had bench seats in the front and back. As was common at that time, we headed straight for one-hour photo to get photo documentation of hot and sexy we were that day. We had an hour to wait before we could pick up our pictures. We decided to park behind an abandoned building on Del Paso Blvd – if you’re from Sacramento don’t judge me for being on Del Paso Blvd. We were having really great sex when all of a sudden something went wrong with our rhythmic pelvic thrusting.  I ended up with a rock hard penis jammed in my ass! It hurt so bad that I immediately started crying. That’s all you really need to know about that car sex experience.

While my experience was painful, there are many ways to enjoy sexual SS 39 Car sex imageexperiences in a car regardless of whether the car is in motion or parked. For sexual experiences in a moving car it is safer if there is a friend who is willing to drive you around while you attempt to have car sex. However, not everyone has a friend cool enough to drive you around while you have sex. If you are interested in trying car sex, have no one to drive you around, and would love to avoid an experience similar to the one I shared, here are a few simple tips and suggestions:

  1. Consider limiting your car sex experience to certain types of oral sex (mouth to vulva or mouth to penis work best). Mouth to vulva sex works best when the person with the vulva is driving the car – should you choose to do this while the car is in motion.
  2. Having penis/phallus to vagina sex while the car is in motion is doable. This is easiest to facilitate when the person with the penis or phallus is driving. The other partner can straddle the driver. Be sure to have a short partner or a partner flexible enough to lean to one-side so as not to obstruct the view of the driver.
  3. The obvious – car sex is much easier to do when the car is parked and not in motion! Then anything is possible. Just be sure that both partners are mindful of the pelvic rhythm.

Last but certainly not least check out the 10 best positions for sex in a car. For the record, I am not promoting car sex. I am simply responding to a friend’s challenge while being my usual sex positive self and letting you know how you can engage and enjoy – should you decide to try sexual experiences in a car. Until next Saturday…

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Oct 12

Sexual Health Awareness Week (SHAW) at UC Berkeley

Posted on Saturday, October 12, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley, Women's health

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoIn 2008, a group of sex positive students in the Sexual Health Education Program (SHEP) brought Sexual Health Awareness Week (SHAW) to the UC Berkeley campus. That was the same year I began coordinating SHEP.  While I would love to take credit for bringing SHAW to the US, that honor belongs to then student, Joanna Mi, who was acting as the interim coordinator until I was brought on staff about 2 months later.  Well, I’m pretty sure it was my former students who started this event in the US as I did a bit of research for this article and couldn’t find any SHAW events dating earlier than 2009 in the US. I was, however, able to find information on SHAW in the United Kingdom (UK) that may possibly predate the event at UC Berkeley.

With the planning and support of fellow students Jenna Gaarde, Monica Nguyen, Kate McCombs, and Rachel Kirk, Joanna and the rest of the students in SHEP threw a fair on Sproul’s Savio Steps to increase student awareness of sexual health. This event continues each fall semester.  I’m writing about it now because on Monday, October 28th – Thursday, October 31st student sexperts in SHEP will host and sponsor the 5th annual SHAW!

This week along awareness event will once again take place on the Savio Steps on Upper Sproul. SHAW is no doubt the sexiest event ofSHAW 2012 the fall semester and you’re invited! Cum join me and the SHEP Sexperts for a week of education and awareness with fun, interactive games, sexy prizes, and more! This is an all-inclusive event with information for people with various levels of sexual health education and sexual experience from none to tons. There will be information for people of all sexual orientations as well as  transgendered students.  

Each day you are welcome to take pictures with our hard to miss, life-size SHEP penis and pick up free safer sex supply samples, if you need or want them.  There will be Sexperts available to answer your sexual health questions, or teach you the proper way to use safer sex supplies and make using them sexy!  Each day will have its own sexual health focus ending with a Sexy Halloween costume contest. This is a taste of what’s planned for sexy attendees:

  • October 28th       Magic Monday:  Learn about men’s sexual health including testicular health, erectile function, and common genital conditions and treatment options for all man identified persons.
  • October 29th       Truthful Tuesday:  Learn the truth about women’s sexual health including what to expect during a women’s health exam and how to perform sexy self-breast exams for all women identified persons.
  • October 30th       Wicked Wednesday:  Learn about sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol and how to engage safer and legally. Increase your awareness about wicked sexually transmitted infections including modes of transmission, symptoms, and prevention.
  • October 31st       Turn on Thursday:  What turns you on? Complete the prompt, “_____ turns me on!” on the SHEP Facebook page. Turn-on’s can be sexy, funny, both or neither. Compete in our Sexy Halloween costume contest – take a picture in your Halloween costume at a campus landmark and share it with us on our instagram page by tagging us @UCBSHEP or #UCBSHEP.  Win a semesters worth of safer sex supplies!

You must be a registered UC Berkeley student to be eligible to win the online contests. Otherwise, anyone is welcome to attend this event. If you’d like to throw your own Sexual Health Awareness Week on your high school or college campus, I’m happy to consult with you. Until next Saturday…

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

Oct 5

Traditional and Insertive Condoms

Posted on Saturday, October 5, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWhen I decided to write a weekly blog I made a list of topics to write about. Although today’s topic has been on the list from the very beginning, I didn’t have the proper motivation to actually write it until now.  The topic is traditional and insertive condoms and why I use these terms.  Several years ago I decided to stop referring to condoms as male and female. This change in terminology came about for a few reasons with the most important being that I think there is way too much “gendering” that happens in American culture. Have you ever stopped to think about this? Nearly everything is gendered from babies in utero to professions, academic majors and even material items and objects. As a person who strives to be sex positive and inclusive, I recognize the potential harm associated with the gendering process. Furthermore, I think gendering material items is absolutely ridiculous especially when it comes to condoms.

While traditional condoms, commonly referred to as male condoms, are more likely to be worn on a penis, they may be worn on aSS traditional and insertive condoms phallic object such as a dildo or vibrator as well. Let me put it another way: traditional condoms are often used by women to cover sex toys for solo or partnered sex without the presence of a male.  Additionally, people can and do use traditional condoms for sexual experiences with women, men, and transgender people. As such, thinking of this condom as a male condom is limiting and close minded.  For this reason, I prefer to use the much more inclusive term: traditional condom.

Interestingly, when I was working at Planned Parenthood back in 2005-2007 I heard the insertive condom was originally designed for use with gay men for anal sex. As a result of poor sales the insertive condom was taken off the market.  Some brilliant marketing exec had the idea to rename this condom the Female condom using the brand name “Reality” and put it back on the market. In preparation for this article I did a bit of research and could not find anything supporting this. However, it makes perfect sense.

The insertive condom is intended to be inserted into the vagina for penetration by a penis or phallic object. Yet, it can also beSS traditional and insertive condoms 2 inserted in the rectum for protective anal sex with a penis or sex toy. Given the ability to insert this type of condom into both the vagina and/or rectum, it makes perfect sense to call it the insertive condom. Guess what? The last time I checked most women, men, transgender, and intersex people have anuses.  Score one more for referring to this condom as an insertive condom!

At the beginning of this article I stated this topic has been on the list of topics to cover since the beginning of Sexy Saturdays, yet I was lacking the motivation to write it until now. So what happened to motivate me? I recently did a presentation on sexual health for a student group at UC Berkeley. Just before going out to do the presentation I was encouraged to check out the group’s website which rivals information on the University Health Services site without necessarily crediting us a source. So, I figured I’d better get this information out there before they do. I said some other things – like being trained to use “some, many, and most” – that will likely make it into one of their blogs. Hopefully, I’ll be properly credited.  If not, that’s fine because I learned this from San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI) – though I did give them credit in my presentation.  Until next Saturday…

Keep It Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: