RSS Feed
Dec 28

Holiday Virgin?

Posted on Saturday, December 28, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoAre you a holiday virgin? My family came to visit for the holidays and my 20-year-old cousin informed me that she is a holiday virgin. I admit I had no idea what a holiday virgin was. My younger cousin put me up on game and told me a holiday virgin is someone who has not yet experienced being kissed on various holidays such as New Years, Valentine’s Day and under the mistletoe on Christmas. You can also earn the label of holiday virgin if you’ve never had a Valentine to share the day with or never had a special someone take you out to see the Christmas lights. I have mixed feelings about the concept of a “holiday virgin”. On one hand it’s sad and self-shaming. On the other hand it may be sex positive and empowering.  

Having never heard the expression, I wanted to know more about it to more accurately form my opinion. Apparently “holiday virgin” was added to Urban Dictionary in 2011 by a tumblr user. Additionally, several tumblr sites pop up during a google search for the phrase. Many tumblr users who use this phrase seem to use it similarly to the way my cousin used it. Others use it as a checklist of sorts; posting an image similar to image 1 and crossing off their holiday debuts – if you will – as they happen.

Image 1. Holiday virgin

Image 1. Holiday virgin

The sexologist in me sees things a little more complicated. On one hand, while I get that the phrase “holiday virgin” is supposed to be fun, the negative undertone is neither fun nor sexy to me.  I say this because the way in which my cousin said she was a holiday virgin didn’t leave me with a happy feeling in my gut – and not only because my cousin is a gorgeous, chocolate, young woman with a body that’d make Barbie mad. Tumblr posts supported my intuition that there are negative connotations and feelings associated with being a holiday virgin.  It makes me wonder if the young people who use it may be feeling some type of way about having “lost” their “virginity”.  

It amazes me in the worst way to know even in today’s society young people have so much internal shame of having sexual desire and expressing sexual agency to the point that even consensual safer sex experiences are not okay.  As a result, young people are now making up ridiculous phrases like being holiday virgins. In other words, the self-shame of losing  virginity is still so strong that young people seriously believe they can hold on to even a portion of the title of being a “virgin” by adding the word “holiday” in front of it. As if this new label somehow reclaims a little of the “virginity” they so-called lost. This is part of the reason the phrase “losing one’s virginity” is problematic.

On the other hand, it is not lost on me that the phrase “holiday virgin” is also being used similarly to how I use “sexual debuts” to describe different and varied first sexual experiences! When looking at the phrase through this lens it seems like a fun, descriptive label with sarcastic undertones. This is more in line with my sex positive perspective.

Speaking of sex positive – the idea of having a way to proudly distinguish your long-term, single and/or abstinent status during the holidays sounds rather cool and a little empowering even – just think of something else to call it. The word “virgin” is so loaded and is exclusive of non-penis-vagina sex.  That’s all I’ll say on that since I’ve spoken to this in the Sexy Saturdays article, The First Time.  I suggest using holiday debut. Best of luck with your next or initial holiday debut! Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Dec 14

NuvaRing: To Use or Not To Use?

Posted on Saturday, December 14, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley, Women's health

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI was horrified to learn that my preferred birth control for young women has come under major fire. One of my co-workers asked me if I’d heard about all the NuvaRing lawsuits recently.  I did some research and found articles dating back to 2008 with regard to NuvaRing causing blood clots and even one young ladies death. Though I knew of the potential to cause blood clots, I was shocked, amazed, and pissed simultaneously at what I had found. After getting over that, I started thinking about my own recent health issues and how some are directly related to my use of the NuvaRing. In fact, I just took myself off the NuvaRing for the second time after having been a faithful user since 2005.

In April of this year, I decided it was time to go back on hormonal birth control. Of course, I chose to go back to the NuvaRing – it had so many benefits for me in the past that I didn’t even really consider any other contraception.  The NuvaRing was the perfect option for me. It is a combined hormonal method meaning that it has synthetic versions of estrogen and progestin. As such, it has all the perks like regulated and shortened menstrual cycle, decreased cramping, acne control, having to only change it once a month, and more. The best feature of the NuvaRing was that I could take it out, have sex, rinse it off and put it back in my vagina without fear of unintended pregnancy.

Unfortunately, due to severe complications with my pregnancy and delivery my hormonal composition changed. Since having my daughter my body responds differently to everything. Within 3 months of going back on the NuvaRing, I started to have extremely painful cramping. It felt like someone had shoved a vice grip up my vagina and proceeded to rip my vagina and anus out from the inside. That’s not what’s up. To top it off, I had a 21 day period. Needless to say that didn’t go over well in the relationship I was in at the time. SS nuvaring

In addition to the nasty cramps and way too long menstrual cycle, I started experiencing symptoms of pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, PMDD. The PMDD was the worse! My behavior was erratic and my emotions were out of control. I would cry uncontrollably for no good reason one minute then yell at my daughter for no good reason the next minute. After doing some research I found information that stated the NuvaRing could cause symptoms commonly associated with PMDD including depression, suicidal thoughts, and other scary stuff. Naturally, I went to see my gynecologist who prescribed Prozac to treat the PMDD and advised me to continue tracking unwanted side effects while using the NuvaRing. I went home and researched Prozac. From what I was able to find, Prozac was not a good option for me. As such, I decided to stop using hormonal birth control altogether. Guess what happened? My menstrual cycles went back to normal within 1 month! No more nasty cramps ripping my vagina apart, crazy mood swings, or super long periods. Now, I’m just my normal crazy.

I disclosed my personal situation with the NuvaRing to encourage any readers who may be on hormonal birth control or considering it to read the patient insert fully and ask any questions about information you may not understand.  Even if the question seems stupid or juvenile. Granted, the patient insert is long and boring – I’m not going to lie. Reading it may help you avoid an experience like mine or like the young woman, who passed away as a result of using the NuvaRing. If you are a happy NuvaRing user, great! I am in no way trying to convince readers not to use the NuvaRing. I am encouraging you to make an informed decision regarding your hormonal birth control method and available options. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Dec 11

3 Tips to Ace Sex and Finals

Posted on Wednesday, December 11, 2013 in News Release

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoAs I was thinking of what to write for this week it dawned on me that both sex and finals are potential points of stress for many students.  For this very reason, around this time last year, I wrote a shorter sexy tip on this very topic, however, the article reached limited people. So, I thought I’d recycle and revise this article now that I’ve got a bigger, sexier audience.

By the time you reach college, regardless of whether it’s a 2-year or 4-year, most students have learned that with a good study plan and preparation finals can be easily managed. Guess what!?! Good and pleasurable sex is a lot like getting ready for a final and can be managed using very similar tactics. For a less stressful and more pleasurable sexual experience try these 3 tips:

1. Learn the subject. If you hope to get a good grade – and on this campus I know you do – having thorough knowledge of the subject matter is super important. With sex, taking the time to understand SS A plusthe pleasure physiology and turn-ons of both you and your partner is a must. By this I don’t mean just knowing about that adorable mole on your partner’s backside.  Where are your erogenous zones? What feels good to your partner? Remember that each new partner presents a new learning opportunity!

2.  Be prepared. When the time comes make sure you have the necessary supplies to ace the exam. In this instance the necessary supplies are whichever condoms, dental dams, or gloves you and your partner(s) like best. Lubrication (lube) is nice to have as well.  In many cases, wetter = better with regard to sexual pleasure. .  If you’re not sure what else to keep handy for sexy play time, chat with your partner to find out.  This may just be the sexiest conversation you’ll have!

By the way, being prepared should include getting tested together, if you haven’t already done so.

3. Take your time. During any big exam, it’s always best not to rush through but to take your time and read each question carefully and respond accordingly. Same theory applies to sex – unless you’re planning on a quickie – take time to fully give and receive pleasure for a more enjoyable experience. Incorporate some foreplay.  Notice and appreciate how your partner’s body responds to your stimulating touch and vice versa. Kiss your partner and continue your sexcapade accordingly.

Best of luck this sex…I mean finals season! Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: