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Feb 28

Timing of Sexual Debuts and Your Health

Posted on Friday, February 28, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI was recently invited to speak in my UC Berkeley co-worker, Sarah Gamble’s, Public Health (PH) 14 class on sexual debuts.  Presenting this topic is not new to me. Nor is writing on this topic – last year I dedicated Sexy Saturdays for the entire month of March to various sexual debuts. However, I was amazed with some of the information that I found when prepping for the talk. Generally when I’m asked to talk about sexual debuts it is about why I use the phrase “sexual debuts” as opposed to talking about losing “virginity,” the types of sexual debuts, and average age of various debuts.  These talks also include a few slides on the relationship status at sexual debut and reason for engaging in said debut. You know the usual stuff. What made this talk so interesting to me was the added component of how sexual debuts may impact health. It was a simple addition, yet so interesting to research and then present to the PH 14 students.

What did I find that was so interesting? As shared in the Sexy Saturdays article, ­­­­­The First Time…, the average age at sexual debut in the US is 17 years old. I find it interesting that many people who have V cardtheir initial debuts earlier or later than the norm of 17 years old experience a range of health outcomes, many of which are negative.  According to the most recent results of the National Health and Social Life Survey, males and females who experience earlier sexual debuts are more likely to have more sexual partners as well as to engage in riskier sex including sex under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Needless to say, findings also show an increase in sexually transmitted infections among people who have earlier sexual debuts.

When looking at gender differences associated with earlier sexual debuts I found that males tend to deny their risk of HIV more than females and males who have later initial sexual debuts. Males also experience more difficulty with sexual functioning as far as arousal, erection, and orgasm as well as a general decline in health. I find that interesting because so many males are encouraged through social constructions to engage in sexual experiences fairly early into their teens. Does society secretly want young men to have sexual difficulty later in life? I’m sure pharmaceutical companies do, but the average male I’d like to believe thinks differently about this.  Early initial debuts was found to be associated with an increase in negative attitudes towards condoms for women.

What about gender differences of those who experience later initial sexual debuts?  Interestingly, males tend to show similar issues to the males who have earlier sexual debuts as far as sexual function is concerned.  According to this research, males are more likely to experience difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection to the point of orgasm if they have early or late initial sexual debuts. Women who experiences later sexual debuts were found to also have increased difficulty with sexual arousal. Both males and females who have later initial sexual debuts tend to have less experiences of sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol as well as less incidences of sexuallyED esque transmitted infections.

While the information shared up to this point has been interesting, the most interesting thing I found was that males who have their initial sexual debut after getting married, still experience an increase difficulty getting and keeping erections. In other words, it’s hard for guys to stay hard if their initial sexual debut was found to be earlier or later than the norm or after getting married.  Good luck, guys! This is one more reason I’m thankful for being a woman. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

Feb 21

Dear Genitals…

Posted on Friday, February 21, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoIt’s February and love is in the air! Love for your genitals! I tried a new assignment this semester – I assigned my students the task of writing a letter to their genitals! You read right – a letter to their genitals. On the day we covered female reproductive anatomy and physiology I gave my San Ramon Valley College students an assignment to write a letter to their genitals. Several students erupted in laughter – mostly males – until one clever female student commented that the guys would likely have to do the same thing the following week when we covered male anatomy and physiology. I immediately confirmed that was the assignment.  The students expressed some concern over how awkward it would be to write such a letter as many of them have never thought of their genitals in this way, if at all.

Much to my surprise the student letters to their genitals were AMAZING! Many of the young women thanked their genitals for bringing so much pleasure to their lives. To this end several of them dedicated sections to or specifically cited their clitoris and the 8,000 nerve endings. Others thanked their genitals for the ability to have multiple orgasms and to give birth. One student wrote “I seriously don’t know how you’re so tiny and yet you can bring so many lives into this world.” One student even thanked her genitals for allowing her to “decorate” her vulva with piercings. Interesting and intriguing.

After reading the letters from the young women, I couldn’t wait to hear what the guys would write to their genitals.  They did not disappoint. Many of the males addressed their letters “Dear Dick” or “Dear Penis” and then continued with multiple penis puns throughout the letter. While the puns were amusing, they were cleverly used to make valid points. More than half of them thanked their genitals for not being female genitals specifically with regard to menstruating and giving birth.  Not as many male students commented on their ability to urinate while standing. However, when it was mentioned the guys were thanking their penis for allowing them to urinate Love letter“wherever [they] please.”

There are 2 student letters to their genitals that I have requested permission from the students to share the full letters. If they grant said permission, you’re in for a real treat. One letter addresses multiple issues including penis size stereotypes. This student wrote that he has “no idea why people say all Asians have small [penises] because obviously [he’d] been excluded from the stereotype.”  The other letter is written mostly about the role of hormones and how that relationship can be a bit tumultuous at times.  Intriguing I tell you!

After all students turned in this assignment, we discussed what it felt like to write a letter to their genitals. As expected, a few people felt it was just as awkward after writing the letter as they thought it’d be when I gave them the assignment.  The majority of the students enjoyed the assignment. They commented that it was fun and thought-provoking as many of them never though t about their genitals beyond urinating and having sex.   If you have never written a letter to your genitals you may want to seriously consider it. You may learn more about your genitals than you think. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Feb 8

Hot Date? Insert This Condom In Advance!

Posted on Saturday, February 8, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoHappy Sexy Saturday! It’s still February which means it’s still National Condom Month! As such, today I’m writing about insertive condoms, AKA “female” condoms. Insertive condoms though slightly less effective than traditional condoms have a few perks over traditional condoms:

  • Easy pre-planning. Let’s say you have a date. While you’re getting ready for your date, if you think you may want to have sex with the person you’re going on the date with you can insert this condom into the vaginal or anal orifice up to 8 hours in advance. This allows for spontaneous safer sex.
  • Extra protection. Offers protection not available with traditional condoms as it covers more than the just the shaft of a penis or phallus. Insertive condoms cover the female labia and the rim of the anus making these areas of the genitals less susceptible to infections transmitted by skin to skin contact such as herpes and genital warts. That’s hot!
  • One size fits most. Insertive condoms come in one size. Usually that sucks – and not in a good way – but in this case it’s just fine. Insertive condoms are large enough to accommodate larger size penises and phallic toys. The design of insertive condom lends well to various sizes.

Due to the somewhat newness of insertive condoms, I highly suggest touching and getting some practice putting in the insertive condom before taking the show on the road – so to speak. When you‘re ready to insert this awesome condom here’s what you do:

  1. Make sure you have an insertive condom handy.
  2. Tell your partner what you’d like to do with her/him or have done to you using said condom. After getting or giving consent you’re ready to move on.
  3. Check the expiration date on the package of the condom. Most people don’t drink spoiled milk, using the same logic; you should not use an expired condom.
  4. Pillow test the package by placing it between your pointer finger and thumb. Gently squeeze the package making sure there’s air in the package. If there is no air get a new condom as that one has been compromised and may have rips and tears. insertive condom in use
  5. Slide the condom to one side of the package and carefully open the package using both hands NOT your teeth.
  6. Remove the condom from the package and expand the condom its full length. You’ll see a flexible, removable ring inside the closed end of the condom. At the open end of the condom there will be a soft, flexible ring that will remain outside the vagina or anus.
  7. Apply water-based or silicone-based lube to the outside of the closed end of the condom to increase pleasurable sensations and condom durability. This step is optional.
  8. Pinch the condom and inner ring at the closed end and insert the condom into the orifice to be penetrated (not the mouth – use a dental dam or traditional condom for safer oral sex). If having vaginal sex insert the condom in as far as you can. If having anal sex consider removing the inner ring and be sure to insert at least 1 inch into the anus.
  9. Hold the outer ring in place while you guide a penis or phallus into the condom.
  10. Enjoy sex.
  11. After you or your partner comes hold the outer ring in place while taking the penis or phallus out of whatever orifice you was lucky enough to be penetrated.
  12. Twist the end of the portion of the condom that has remained outside the orifice and remove the condom.
  13. Tie the condom in a knot and run it through your thumb and fingers to check for rips and tears. If fluid comes out when you do this your condom was compromised during your sexy experience. In which case, you and your partner should get tested for STIs in about 2 weeks.  Consider taking the morning after pill within the next 72-120 hours to prevent unintended pregnancy, if applicable.
  14. If there are no rips and tears, wrap the used condom in tissue and throw it in the garbage.
  15. Thank your partner for a safer and sexy experience.

Sounds a lot like the instructions in last week’s article on using traditional condoms, right? That’s because the process is somewhat similar with the exception of how to wear these condoms. For those of you wondering why I use “insertive” condom, I’ve already addressed that in Traditional and Insertive Condoms posted back in early October. If you’re sexy and you know it, you’ll check it out. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Feb 1

Keepin’ It Safe and Sexy in February: A dedication to Black men

Posted on Saturday, February 1, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoIt’s February! This month is jam-packed with National condom Month/Week/Day, Valentine’s Day, and Presidents ’ Day, Singles Awareness Day, Black History Month, and more all in one! With so much going on, this month is a lot like me – short and busy! Given the focuses of the month – I am dedicating this article to Black men and to the women and men who love having sex with them.

Though I love me some Black men, as a Black woman and sexologist, I am always intrigued when I have an opportunity to observe grown Black men put condoms on incorrectly, especially the one’s who have children. I’ve observed this in workshop settings as well as during personal encounters. There’s nothing more unsexy than a grown man who cannot put condoms on. To prevent future laughable experiences here’s a few suggestions:

  1. Have your preferred condom easily accessible. It’s a good idea to try on different condom sizes, materials, and textures in advance so you know you’ll have a comfortable fitting condom for your sexy experience. For the record, not all Black men need or should use Magnum condoms. I’m just saying…
  2. Tell your partner what you’d like to do with them or have done to you using said condom. After getting or giving consent you’re ready to move on.
  3. Check the expiration date on the package of the condom. Most people don’t drink spoiled milk, using the same logic; you should not use an expired condom.
  4. Pillow test the package by placing it between your pointer finger and thumb. Gently squeeze the package making sure there’s air in the package. If there is no air get a new condom as that one has been compromised and may have rips and tears. wpid-CAM00996.jpg
  5. Slide the condom to one side of the package and carefully open the package using both hands NOT your teeth.
  6. Remove the condom from the package and sit it on your finger. With the condom on your finger try to unroll it approximately .5 inch. If it unrolls, you’re good to go on to the next step. If it doesn’t unroll, flip the condom over so that it does. Until you can visually determine the correct way to unroll a condom, it is important that you do not unroll the condom directly onto a penis as it may have started to pre-ejaculate. Pre-ejaculatory fluid or pre-cum, may have sperm or microorganism that may cause sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
  7. Remove the condom from your finger and flip it over so that the tip is pointing down. Put 1-2 drops of water based or silicone based lube in the tip of the condom. Doing this will increase sensations for you. That’s right, you’ll feel more. More than 1-2 drops may cause the condom to slip off during the experience.
  8. With the lube in the tip, pinch the tip of the condom and roll it onto an erect penis. This step is crucial as the tip is where ejaculate will be captured. If there’s no room in the tip the ejaculate may burst right through the condom.
  9. Put as much water or silicone based lube as you’d like on the outside of the condom. This will increase sensations for you and your partner as well as increase the durability of your condom making it less likely to break.
  10. Enjoy sex.
  11. After ejaculating, before you go limp, pull out of whatever orifice you were lucky enough to penetrate. Be sure to hold the condom while removing it from the hole.
  12. Remove the condom from the penis and tie it in a knot. Run the used and knotted condom through your fingers to check for any leaks or breakage that may have happened during the experience.
  13. If there are no rips and tears, wrap the used condom in tissue and throw it in the garbage. If there are rips you and your partner should get tested for STIs in about 2 weeks. If your partner was female, she should consider taking the morning after pill within the next 72-120 hours.
  14. Thank your partner for a safer and sexy experience.

While this article is dedicated to Black men, the information is great for men and women of all races/ethnicities, cultures, and sexual orientations. In other words, if you’re having sex, this information applies to you. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

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