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Mar 22

Tips to Overcome First Date Jitters

Posted on Saturday, March 22, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI recently went on a first date and it got me to thinking about all of my readers who may be new to dating. Even if you consider yourself to be a pro at dating you may still get “first date” jitters. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that feels similar to having butterflies flying around. You may even think you’re going to vomit a little – hopefully you don’t. As the date gets closer you may start to forget assignments or have trouble paying attention to friends or professors. Nerves and hormones are responsible for that feeling. You are likely nervous because you don’t know what to expect on a first date, yet, you want to put your best self forward to improve your chances of a second date. I’m going to give you a few quick tips to ease the first date jitters.

I am going to be super positive and assume that you’ve met someone that you would like to date. You’ve already gotten the hardest part out of the way by introducing yourself and asking them on a date. Maybe the big first date is tonight. Maybe it’s next weekend. Who knows, maybe you’ll keep this information in your back pocket for a later day. Here are a few tips to keep in mind on your first date:SS first date

  1. Keep it light. This piece of advice is true for both your location and conversation. With regard to location you don’t want to intimidate your date or make them feel uncomfortable. Keeping this in mind try to choose a place that is well lit and in public. A few suggestions are taking your date to your favorite café or diner, maybe going out to a comedy show, game or other organized event. An outdoor, day-time first date would be great as well. If you or your date are a bit on the shy side going to see a movies is great. This will give something to talk about after. As for conversation keep this light as well.  Limit the conversation to small talk. Tell your date what you do. Ask your date to share what he/she enjoys doing. What’s their favorite book? Movie? Class? Do you have anything in common? If so, talk about it. Small talk will allow your date to talk about something they are comfortable with while allowing you to get to know your date better.
  2. Be Yourself or as we like to say in Health Promotion, Do YOU! Relax. Take a deep breath. You’ve made it to the first date so your date likes something about you. At this time your job is to be the best you you can be. Who knows how to be you better than you? Smile. Do you have a special “thing” or talent? Share it with your date. Do you have a silly story you can share?
  3. Compliment your date. Everyone likes to be told they look nice. Don’t skimp on the compliments on a first date. However, don’t be that creep that compliments everything your date does either. If you’re not sure what is okay to compliment on and what might land you in the “creep” zone, I’d say a general rule of thumb is anything above the waist is okay to compliment your date on. With the exception of breasts, of course. Compliment your date on their smile, how nice they look, or maybe their hair. Oh, and shoes are okay as well. At the end of your date, thank your date for a great time.

I can’t guarantee that by following my advice your date will go perfect. However, I do think that if you keep my tips in mind you’ll have a much better chance of getting a second date. If you leave your date with a positive mental image of you they are more likely to think fondly of you when you call for that second date. Good luck on your next first date. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Mar 21

Foreplay and Sex: How important is it?

Posted on Friday, March 21, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoThe last Sexy Saturdays article, The Great Thing About Foreplay, was obviously written on the topic of foreplay. It included what foreplay is, what various types of foreplay may look like such as verbal and physical. It also included information the goal of foreplay as well as the role our hormones play with regard to sexual arousal and foreplay. However, I apparently left room for a few questions and I have since been requested to answer. Knowledge, a blog reader, commented

“But how important is foreplay? What about having sex without. Does that take away for [sic] sex…is there a level you wish to hit in foreplay before intercourse…it’s [sic] sex without foreplay better. Good topic but it had some UN answered questions…please elaborate if your [sic] knowable.”

Knowledge this one’s for you. First, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my article and comment on it. Second, I love that you were brave enough to ask for additional information. I am more than happy to answer your follow-up questions without further ado.

In my opinion foreplay is highly important to many sexual experiences. However, as I stated in The Great Thing about Foreplay, foreplay does not necessarily have to be a prelude to sexual intercourse or orgasm. I am assumingSS foreplay part 2 by “intercourse” that you are referring to penetrative sex – whether with a penis, phallic object/toy, finger, or something else doesn’t really matter as far as my response is concerned. As such, foreplay prior to penetration is important as it enhances sexual arousal.  When it comes to penetrating bodily orifices such as the vagina, anus, or mouth, it’s a good idea to keep in mind that wetter is better! The more lubrication the easier it will be to penetrate your desired hole. Remember the role of foreplay with regard to penetrative sex is to increase sexual arousal so that the body is ready for penetration making foreplay super important, if I do say so myself.

As stated in The Great Thing about Foreplay, foreplay is by no means a requirement or prerequisite for sex.  If you don’t have time for foreplay or if foreplay was never part of the plan you can absolutely still have a pleasurable sexual experience by adding commercial lubrication. (For more information on lube including types and associated benefits and risks of lube see Sexy Saturdays article, Wetter is Better).  

By including foreplay it will likely make the vagina wetter and the penis more erect at the time of penetration than it would be without having any foreplay.  I don’t think it necessarily takes anything away from sex to not have foreplay. However, it certainly makes it better when you have it. Having a “quickie” where the point may be to have minimal foreplay, if any at all would be one of the only exceptions. Quickies tend to bring their own special level of excitement that may increase sexual arousal enough for penetration without any foreplay. However, even in the instance of a quickie, I would still suggest a minimal amount of foreplay. Which brings me to your question of there being a preferred level to hit in foreplay before intercourse.

I cannot say that every person will benefit from a certain amount of foreplay. Nor can I say that one type of foreplay is better than another for others. What I can say is that the amount and level of foreplay varies from sexual experience to sexual experience and from partner to partner. It also depends on your mood and interest in sex at the time. With that in mind, if you are hoping to have penetrative sex with a female bodied person I would suggest continuing foreplay for at least 5-10 minutes after seeing vaginal lubrication on the outside of the females vulva (genitals). Then slowly penetrate the vagina until your partner is ready for more. This will help to ensure that there is lubrication is on the inside of the vagina as well as on the outside of the vulva allowing for a more pleasurable and slippery entrance. If you are hoping to have sex with a male bodied person, I would suggest continuing foreplay until his penis is erect and your partner can’t take it anymore.  Of course, there is always the tried and true method of checking in with your partner to see if they are ready for penetration or if they’d like to continue the foreplay. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “communication is lubrication” and foreplay can only make it better! I hope this answered your questions, Knowledge. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Mar 8

The Great Thing About Foreplay

Posted on Saturday, March 8, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoDo you remember your first PG-13 make-out session? I do. I was 13 years old. I was in my first “real” relationship. I was in my room or somewhere – I don’t really remember that part. What I do remember is kissing my partner for minutes at a time coming up only for air. When I say minutes at a time, I think we kissed for about an hour. During the make-out session we touched each other under our shirts. The sensations that my body experienced were AMAZING! It was the first time my vagina tingled that special way that it does when I’m horny. When the session was over my panties were soaked and my partner had an erection that was clearly visible through his super baggy jeans.  We hadn’t had sex of any kind – just passionately kissing and touching. I’m not talking about the kind of kiss you give your Grandma. I’m talking about the type of kissing that involves open mouths and often an exchange of saliva. You may know it as French, TV, or deep kissing, swapping spit, tongue wrestling, doing the tongue tango, or some other name.  That PG-13 make-out session was my introduction to sexual experiences and foreplay.

While kissing is the most common form of foreplay, it is not nearly the only form.  Foreplay is any verbal or physical interaction that foreplay 2leads to sexual desire or arousal. Often time’s foreplay is used as a prelude to orgasm or sex – whatever type you may be having. Verbal foreplay may be calling your partner on the phone and telling them how much you want to ravish them the next time the two of you are together. It may be speaking in sexy, breathy voice, or whispering sweet nothings or dirty talk. Physical forms of foreplay may include cuddling, kissing, touching, and oral sex, and more. The great thing about foreplay is that literally anything you and your partner(s) do to turn each other on counts. How hot is that!?!

Goal of foreplay is to have a pleasurable sexual experience.  It may or may not be a prelude to orgasm or sex. The duration of foreplay varies from experience to experience. You may have a short period of foreplay that lasts just minutes. You may have foreplay that starts in the morning and lasts all day. For the record, women report wanting longer periods of foreplay than men do. Figured I’d throw that out there as a hint to any of you hoping to have sex with women.

foreplay 1There are several hormones that play a role in sexual arousal including testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, and more. Foreplay is important as it helps to stimulate the release of these sexy hormones and heighten sexual experiences. If you are using foreplay as a prelude to sex with penetration it is a great way to get your vagina wet enough or penis erect in preparation. If you are using foreplay as a prelude to orgasm, it is a great way to stimulate your partner all the way to your goal! If you’re not using foreplay as a prelude to sex or orgasm as many people do, it’s a great way to build intimacy between you and your partner(s).

Today is a great day for some foreplay. Call, text, or snapchat that lucky someone and tell them all the things you want to do to them…consensually, of course! You’re on your way to enjoying foreplay. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Mar 1

Cuddle Houses: Sweet or Sketchy?

Posted on Saturday, March 1, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoFeeling lonely? Need a hug? For a small fee someone will cuddle you and make you feel better! Over the past few months I’ve heard more and more about “cuddle” or “snuggle” houses opening and people becoming professional cuddlers.  While cuddle and snuggle houses have been on my list of Sexy Saturday topics to write for quite some time now, it was just the past week that I was reminded of their existence.  While watching the news recently there was a story about the Cuddle Connection, a Roseville, California – a business where adults can go lay down with a paid partner who will hug and cuddle with you for a pre-set period of time.

When I think of cuddle houses I’m reminded of the first time I’d heard of a professional “cuddler.” It was during my time in the hospital after the traumatic birth of my gorgeous daughter.  There were people who volunteer to hold and cuddle new born infants in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). You may be wondering why an infant would be cuddled by a complete stranger? For whatever reason, a parent or loved one may be unavailable to hold and cuddle a new born yet the human interaction is so incredibly valuable to the infant. I imagine it is quite valuable for the volunteering cuddler as well – albeit to a lesser degree.  The same idea applies to adults who have no one to cuddle them.  Human contact is good to have at any age. cuddling 2

When I hear of cuddle houses in the media today,  they are not speaking of the sweet NICU volunteers. No; cuddle houses are more likely to be compared to massage parlors. I love getting massages, as such I’m all for legal massage parlors, yet they do have somewhat of a negative reputation. Given my internal conflict, I was interested to hear what others thought about the idea of there being a place where adult people can go and get cuddled for a fee.  I asked Health Promotion front office student staff and former Sexpert, Kim, to share her opinion. Kim said cuddle houses sound like an “interesting new thing.” When asked what kinds of people would she imagine using the service she responded “older men who are not satisfied at home or don’t have anyone…a companion.” Kim admitted it is “a little weird that someone would pay for it. But there’s a market for everything now.”

I still had mixed feelings about cuddle houses and decided to check out Cuddle Connection’s website.  According to their website, for a cuddling 3nominal fee they offer cuddling for 30, 60, or 90 minutes in one of five pre-determined positions:

 

  1. Classic Spooning – We are great “Big Spoons”.  If you would like to be the big spoon, there will be a pillow placed between our lower torsos.
  2. The Half Spoon-A full dose! Cuddling you lying on you back with your cuddler’s head on your chest.
  3.  “Hug you into Happiness”.  Your cuddler is seated up to backrest and you sit in front, then lean back into your cuddler then he/she will wrap their arms around you in embrace.
  4. Face to Face, holding hands between our torsos- It is very sweet!
  5. “Lap it Up”…. I am seated and you are lying with your head in your cuddler’s lap. Sessions are based on nurturing, non-sexual tender human contact. Embracing only.

 

They do make it clear that cuddled clients are not to get naked during the cuddling session. Yet and still, after looking at the website description of the cuddles I don’t know if I think this service sounds sweet or sketchy.  I’m just playing. Honestly, I like the idea of cuddle houses, especially if they stay clean and are used for strictly cuddling with clothes on.  Take the clothes off and things start to sound sketchy real quick. Maybe I’ll go to Roseville and try the Cuddle Connection to form a better opinion of cuddle houses.  Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

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