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May 31

Sexy Summer Fling? Check

Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoIt’s summertime! School is out – or will be soon for some of you – and you’re gone for the summer.  One bright, sunny day as you are relaxing and drinking a cold iced-tea you see someone and instantly you’re thinking about what you’d like to do her/him and have done to you…consensually, of course! The object of your attention notices you too. As they walk closer to you the fantasies becomes more vivid. Yes, you can see it in their eyes. He/she wants you and you want them too. The two of you exchange a look that says “it’s on.” You stand as if to answer their unspoken invitation to…do what? You’ve never been the person to make the first move. You’re not quite sure what to do so you introduce yourself. Make some small talk about how the semester was for you. You tell a rather corny joke just to compliment the person as they smile and laugh. Wanting to end this first encounter with a positive impression, you exchange numbers and gently kiss them on the cheek before you leave.

As you walk away the fantasy builds. Your body is starting to respond to the fantasies. Just your luck you are distracted by your phone ringing. It’s him/her. They want to see you. You want to see them, too. You make plans to meet for smoothies later. As you prepare to meet this person later, you make sure you have everything you’ll need for a successful night: ID. Check. Money. Check. Phone. Check. Condoms. Check. Wet wipes – things may get messy. Check.

ss summer flingYou reach the agreed upon destination and the two of you have great chemistry! You tell them how good their lips look and how much better they probably taste. Your date puckers and says “you have my permission to find out.” You kiss them again, but not on the cheek this time. You feel the electricity between the two of you. Like earlier you begin to fantasize about how great you want this person to make you feel. However, this is only the first date and it’s going to be a long summer. One thing is for sure, you want to have a hot summer fling with your new friend!

Maybe it doesn’t happen like that. Yet, the brief NC-17 fantasy scene above has some good tips for anyone hoping to have a hot summer fling:

  1. Go for what you want. Maybe you are not normally the person to approach someone you find attractive. Just for the summer, push yourself to do something just outside of your comfort zone. It’s only for the summer. Start simple by just saying hi and introducing yourself. Follow that with a bit of small talk. End the conversation on a good note and your new friend will think positively of you when you call to schedule the first date. You just may surprise yourself and find that you’ve got game!
  2.  Practice safer sex. As you prepare for your dates be sure to pack safer sex supplies. You want to have protection easily accessible so that you can safely do all the sexy things you and your new friend enthusiastically consent to. 
  3. Keep realistic expectations. In the above scenario, it ends with the person realizing that all they want is a summer fling – not to fall in love and be with the person forever. A summer fling is meant to be short and temporary. The best way to facilitate that without getting hurt emotionally is to go into with realistic expectations. In other words, try not to get too attached. Keep it light, fun, and safe while enjoy every inch of each other for the summer. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

May 28

Dying to Love

Posted on Wednesday, May 28, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoBy now I’m sure you’ve heard about, seen news coverage, or somehow  learned of the young woman who was publicly stoned to death for getting married. Many of you may be thinking, WTF!?! You are not alone. A 25-year old, Pakistan woman was stoned to death by her father and other family members – get this – in front of a courthouse! No lie; I’ve added a link at the bottom for you to check it out yourself.  The father is proud that his daughter is dead because by following her heart she somehow dishonored the family.

It would seem to me that there is more honor in denouncing your arranged marriage  and marrying the man you love. I’m just saying. Don’t get me wrong – I am not against arranged marriages. However, I fully support a woman’s right to make her own decision regarding who she will marry – whether arranged, or for money or love. We are not the one’s who have to live with the decision so why should we have a say in it?

As a Sexologist, I’ve studied the sexual practices and norms of quite a few cultures other than my own. While I don’t believe in yucking other people’s yum’s I am not okay with so-called “honor killing”. honour-killing1Where is the honor in being so close-minded that you would kill your OWN child or loved-one because she dared to marry the man she loved? I certainly am unable to see it.  If you believe that your daughter or family member has brought dishonor to the family – okay. A more appropriate response may be to yell at your daughter or maybe disown her if the family feels the offense was that horrible – just don’t kill her! For a culture so concerned with honor, I’m left wondering how murdering your daughter helps to restore the family honor. Though I see through a different lens, it seems to me  that you would bring more dishonor to your family for committing murder and leaving the family without a male leader. Furthermore, does it not dishonor your daughter or family member to kill them? I’m confused. I’m just saying.

Although this story is tragic, there is something to be honored in this story – that a young woman was lucky enough to meet someone and fall in love and have that person love her back. That is no easy feat I tell you. There are many women – old and young – that are still waiting to meet their Mr./Mrs. Right – myself included. Unfortunately, I keep meeting Mr. Right Now.  That this young woman was strong enough to fight for what she believed in is incredibly honorable. Especially, when done in the face of long-standing opposition. Maybe, just maybe, her death will not be in vain and future Pakistani women will not be killed for marrying the person they love. There is no better feeling in the world than loving and being loved.  Love is always worth fighting for. Until next time…

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/family-stones-pakistani-woman-death-honor-killing-outside-court-n115336

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 17

Safer and Sexy in San Ramon

Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI recently held my final Human Sexuality class for the spring 2014 semester at San Ramon Valley College (SRC). Though I have been an instructor there for the past 7 semesters, this semester was definitely among the favorites! Students were more sex positive, more cognitively mature; group presentations and class participation were great. There were a few firsts as well as a few bumps but what human sexuality course is without its bumps? All things considered, this was an awesome semester!

Many of my readers know that I am a full-time Health Educator at UC Berkeley and that I have a small side business, SEXUCATION LLC. However, not as many people are aware that I am also a Human Sexuality instructor, part-time. No, I’m not Jamaican. Lol….I am happy to report that during my tenure at SRC I have observed students becoming more sex positive. For  example, this is the second semester in a row that when we discussed some of the more, often times, controversial topics like sexual orientation there has been no debate to speak of. I love it!

While I’d like to credit my experience and skill as the reason that my students were more sex positive this spring semester I’m sure it had more to do with many of the students seeming to be more cognitively mature. They seemed better  able to handle the material in a more maturely than previous years. There was little giggling at new and uncomfortable images. Well, this was true for most of the students anyway. I even had at least one mature high school student in my class.

ss sexy in SRCOn the final day of class I had the students do group presentations as I normally do. However, this particular group of students collectively did a great job! So great, in fact, that I am thinking of ways to share them with you all! One group did a commercial, while another group interviewed a porn star. Each group had thoroughly researched their topic. They were assigned to do something interactive and many of them did a quiz of some sort with candy prizes including penis and vulva lollipops. They made the mistake of letting me participate – I won! More importantly, I was impressed with the group presentations and my students overall.

I wouldn’t be honest if I said this semester was without its problems. Unfortunately, I had a student cheat on a quiz – like obviously cheated. This is not the first semester this has happened. Enough bad news…I had my first Teaching Assistant (TA), Colton. Colton was great! He had aced my class a few semesters ago and asked if he could be my TA. I’m glad I said yes! I’m looking forward to having Colton back next semester. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 10

Safer Sex Up-Cycling!

Posted on Saturday, May 10, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWhat do you get when you cross a super sex positive Goddess with a group of UC Berkeley SEXperts and nearly 1500 expired insertive condoms? You get three wonderful and amazing end of the semester projects!

Before I share these awesome projects, I’d like to back up just a bit and give you some background…A few years ago the unit I work in scored an HIV grant that allowed us to purchase a rather large quantity of insertive (female) condoms. Our sex positive purchasing took much longer to distribute than we originally thought. Unfortunately, quite a few condoms expired – approximately 1500. I pulled the condoms from their regular location in the supply closet to be thrown out. However, I started to think about the many items I have made out of expired condoms. Such items include belts, purses, tote bags, earrings, necklaces, and more! Students tend to love my random expired condom gear. As such, I thought “what better way to get rid of so many expired insertive condoms than to have a fun group project making something…anything out of the expired insertive condoms?” Think of it as safer sex up-cycling, if you will.

Project Design 1

Project Design 1

Therefore instead of throwing the expired insertive condoms out, I challenged my UC Berkeley SEXpert students with an assignment to create something special out of them. For this assignment I split the students into 3 groups and gave each group 500 condoms. The instructions were simple: make something in 3D – I didn’t care what. However, I did jokingly say that if I could wear what they design that’d be better. As an incentive I arranged for one lucky group’s design to be on display at the upcoming UC Berkeley Doe Library sex ed exhibit, Bird’s Do It, Bee’s Do It: A century of (mis)education in the US, from September 2014 through March 2015.

Project 1. The first group designed a messenger bag and penis model! The messenger bag is usable – I tried it out last week to carry items back to the office from an outreach event. The bag fits a laptop up to maybe 15”. The penis model is too large to fully fit in the bag.

Project Design 2

Project Design 2

Project 2. The second group designed a classic cut red dress with insertive condoms sewn all over it and accessories! The dress has a matching belt made of red ribbon with the plastic inner ring from the insertive condoms at either end of the belt. As if that wasn’t enough this group also designed a necklace and earrings using the inner rings as well. The plastic rings for the necklace are held together with red and pink bows trimmed in gold. The earrings are actually so practical that I’ve worn them a few different places and no one has a clue that I’m wearing part of a safer sex supply!

Project Design 3

Project Design 3

Project 3. The third group design was also a dress with full accessories! Unlike the red dress, this dress is a more modern style in gray. This dress has a hi-lo ruffle made of insertive condoms. Like the other outfit, there is a matching belt and necklace made using the plastic rings from inside the insertive condom.

So, which design won???? A combination of all three! And it fits perfect! You can see the dress with accessories and messenger bag on display this Fall. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 7

Stop Stressing with More Safer Sexing!

Posted on Wednesday, May 7, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI write a monthly tip for the UC Berkeley monthly Buzz – for you sexy people who didn’t already know. A colleague suggested I expand my May tip into a blog. Great suggestion, Caitlin!

At this time in the semester many students may feel stressed preparing for and taking finals. Not to worry, sex may be able to help with that. More to come on that… Stress is how you respond mentally and physiologically to challenges and changes in your daily lives. Contrary to popular belief not all stress is bad for you. Positive stress happens often enough for there to be a term for it, eustress. Eustress is the type of stress that makes you work harder to achieve your goals. For many college students feelings of eustress and distress (stress) may be experienced simultaneously.

While it is possible to experience positive and negative stress at the same time, students tend to notice negative stress more as it impacts health and general wellness. Common symptoms may include headaches, acne, increased heart rate, nausea, diarrhea, decreased ability to fight illness, reduced sexual desire – who wants that!?! Good news: sex and orgasm offer several health benefits!  This is due to the hormones that are released as part of our response to sexual arousal, stimulation and orgasm.  As such, when engaged in safely, sex may be just what you need to relieve a bit of stress and maintain optimal health and brain function for finals season.  Here are 5 ways that sex and orgasm contribute to a healthier you for finals:

  1. Relieves stress – during sex you release a hormone, oxytocin, which is associated with relaxation and calm among other great benefits. Being in a relaxed state may help you feel less anxious while studying or taking a final exam which will likely lead to a better performance and final exam grade.
  2. Boosts immunity – In a recent study, researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of the a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often. The benefits of having a good immune system during finals are self-explanatory to most people. Yet, for the few who it isn’t – boosting immunity helps your body fight off illnesses such as common colds which are rampant during finals.positice stress cycle
  3. Improves cardiovascular health and brain function– during sex and orgasm there is an increased flow of blood to all parts of the body including the heart and brain. The increasing flow of blood and therefore, oxygen allows the brain and heart to function more optimally.
  4. Helps you sleep better – thanks to release of endorphins and prolactin in addition to other hormones, your body experiences a feeling similar to a state of extreme relaxation and sedation. This is often why people fall asleep following sexual experiences – in addition to being worn out from the physical activity. In my role as a health and wellness coach – I can assure you that sleep is something most college students can certainly use more of!
  5. Feeling of general happiness – the combination of oxytocin and endorphins leaves you with a general feeling of happiness and bliss following sex and orgasm. You tend to perform better – academically as well as non-academically – when you are happy and feeling good about yourself.

Ask your partner to help you stay healthy this finals season with a dose – or two or three –  of safer sex! No partner? No problem. The health benefits mentioned above are achievable for those enjoying solo sex or sex in which your partner enthusiastically consented.  Enjoy! Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

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