RSS Feed
Jul 26

National Orgasm Day is Cumming!

Posted on Saturday, July 26, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logo“Oh, Oh, OOH, YES!!!!” It’s almost National Orgasm Day! The exact date is a bit elusive with many sites reporting different dates. However, I have been able to discern that it will be sometime at the end of July; possibly on the 30th or 31st. So, let’s just call it National Orgasm Week! I know I’d rather celebrate orgasms for a full week vs one day.

National Orgasm Day – whenever it is – is a great day to pleasure yourself and/or your partner(s) over and over again. If one day/week is not enough not to worry  as there are multiple orgasm awareness days throughout the year including female orgasm day, World Orgasm Day, and International Orgasm Day. But really who needs an awareness day to celebrate orgasms!?! I certainly don’t.

Orgasms are one of my favorite topics to present. I tend to get excited just talking about orgasms and how wonderful they can be.  Just kidding – or am I? I’ve written about orgasms a couple of times this past year or so.  During finals season I wrote about 5 health benefits of sex and orgasm in “Stop Stressing with More Safer Sexing.” For those who are not quite sure if they have ever experienced an orgasm I wrote “The Elusive O.” Additionally, the latter blog article describes various types of orgasms as well as provides tips on how to have one.

National-Orgasm-DayGoodness, whatever shall I share today in light of National Orgasm Week? I thought it’d be fun to look at some world records involving orgasms. Unfortunately, the Guinness Book of World Records does not collect information on orgasms. As such, I had to be a bit more creative and scoured eBaum’s world, Masturbate-a-thon records and more to find some interesting and fun facts about orgasm related records.  Here’s what I found with regard to interesting orgasm related records according to eBaum’s world:

  • The most ejaculatory orgasms ever recorded in 1 hour for a man is 16.
  • The farthest a woman has been recorded to ejaculate is about 9’29” (3 m). – Are you jealous women? I am a little bit.
  • The greatest distance attained for a jet of semen that has ever been recorded is 18’9″ (5.71 m) which was achieved with a “substantial” amount of seminal fluid by Horst Schultz.
  • The average speed of a man’s ejaculation is 28 miles (45.05 km) per hour. The average speed of a city bus is 25 miles (40.22 km) per hour.  – Okay, I knew about the speed of ejaculation. However, I explain it a little different. I usually tell people that if a guy were to ejaculate and I started to run in the same direction the ejaculate would hit the target destination well before I would. That always gets a laugh from people. Yet also puts into perspective why it is super important to leave room at the tip of traditional condoms.
  • Having swallowed the most amount of semen ever officially recorded Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints (0.96 liter) of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
  • Women hold the record for having the most orgasms. The biggest amount of orgasms enjoyed by a woman in 1 hour ever recorded is a pussy shattering 134! However, a more recent report shows this record was shattered by a woman participating in the masturbate-a-thon in Denmark in 2009 with an awe-inspiring 222 orgasms. This was reported to have happened in 1 sitting – I wonder how long that sitting was!?!

That’s going to do it for today. I’m off to try to set my own orgasm record. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jul 19

Communicating During Conflict: Motives and Making Up

Posted on Saturday, July 19, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI hope you’ve all had an excellent week practicing self-care and communicating your wants and desires. Though, I like to keep things super positive, I understand that sometimes it is necessary to give feedback that may be difficult to say or hear. As such, today’s topic will build on communication in the form of delivering criticism as a much-needed tool for self-care. I’m going to give you tips on delivering and receiving feedback, as well as negotiating differences because if you’re honest conflict and negotiation are bound to happen.

When it comes to delivering criticism it is a good first step to evaluate your motives. Why are you sharing this particular feedback with your partner? If you are doing so because your partner hurt your feelings and you want to make them feel just as bad, you should seriously consider waiting to express yourself until you have had a moment to cool down. If your motive is because you think that providing feedback may improve the situation, sexual experience and/or relationship, then by all means share your feedback.  Try to discuss any potentially negative feedback or criticism in private. You don’t want to embarrass yourself or your partner in public or in front of others. Be as specific as you can about the behavior you’d like to improve without attacking your partner’s personality. After-all you’re sharing feedback in hopes of making things better. For this reason, I suggest using “I” statements and expressing your displeasure in terms of your own feelings. No one wants to dwell in the past so keep criticism and complaints to the present. Do your best to remain positive and offer a concrete suggestion for improving or fixing what bothers you.

comm criticismIf you’re anything like most people, it is much easier to give constructive feedback or criticism than it is to be on the receiving end. However, there will come a time when you’ll find yourself on the other side of criticism and you’ll want to be able to hear what your partner has to say. First, I’d suggest emptying your emotional cup so that you are able to fully understand what is being shared with you without popping off because you may already be feeling some type of way. When receiving criticism it is good to listen actively to what is being shared with you. Be sure to ask clarifying questions if you are unsure about anything that is being said. Acknowledge that you understand by paraphrasing the criticism. This bit of advice may be the hardest, but is also the best I can think of: If you are at fault, admit it and work to solve the problem.

It is entirely possible that if you share potentially negative feedback with your partner and they share some feedback with you as well, there is a good chance the two of you may have to do some negotiating. This is particularly true if you feel that both sides of an argument have some merit and worth.  It is important that you do not give in to urge to retaliate because you don’t like what you are hearing. Instead, discuss what is most important and let go of the less important issues. It may be that you and your partner have to agree to disagree AND understand that is okay. Either way, if you are hoping to continue a relationship with your partner – whether romantic or just sexual – it may be helpful to reinforce your partner’s willingness to communicate. Not only will this encourage your partner to share constructive criticism in the future, it also let’s your partner know that you values him/her even when disagreements arise. Though, I like to be positive, I also like to keep it real. Sometime’s conflict cannot be negotiated and the best self-care move may be to end the relationship. Communication and respect for yourself and others go hand in hand; you will need both to practice sexual self-care. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

Jul 12

Communication as Sexual Self-Care

Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday. Last week I wrote about sexual self-care as the main key to maintaining good sexual health and wellness. I offered a few tips to help you practice sexual self-care. The first and last tip was about practicing open and honest communication with sexual partners. As a Sexologist at UC Berkeley –   you may have heard of it – you can imagine I am in a unique position to observe students sexual communication skills. Let’s just say they’re lacking a bit – until now. This week I’m going to dive a little deeper into communication as sexual self-care. Instead of continuing to explain why this is important, this article is all about how to practice good communication.

Before delving into the how-to portion, I want to recognize that there may be obstacles to sexual communication. Such obstacles include but are certainly not limited to you and your partner having differing feelings on sex talk; irrational beliefs that your partners should know what you desire. Really? Is your partner psychic? If not, then there is no way for them to read your mind and know what you want – not without communicating your wants and desires in some way. Additional blocks to sexual communication include having a different frame of reference than your partner that may be due to cultural differences. On the UC Berkeley campus, it is entirely possible that you and your partner may also have somewhat of a language barrier as well. Last but not least if you or your partners are feeling some type of way, your emotions may interfere with your ability to effectively communicate.

A great way to get started talking about this is to openly recognize and discuss the difficulties of talking about sex with your partner. I suggest that you select a neutral a time and place to discuss the issue. If the two of you have a place that you both enjoy and feel comfortable I suggest going there. When you arrive request permission to bring up the topic of sexual communication. You can say commuication as self caresomething like “Hey, we haven’t talked much about our sexual wants and desires. I’d really like to do that.  Is this something we can talk about now?” You may have a much sexier way of asking your partner for permission.

After your partner grants permission, it is important that you take the time to learn about your partner’s needs as well as make your own requests. With regard to learning about your partner, it is a good idea to listen to what your partner says and ask questions every now and then. If your partner says something that resonates with you, let them know. Self-disclosure often aids in the development of intimacy.  When it comes to making requests for the things you want and desire it is often best to be specific and use “I” statements. You will also want to validate your partner and the discussion by providing information in a positive way. For example, “I really like when you kiss me. I know it would feel incredible if you kissed my inner thighs when you give me oral. Can we try that?”

During sexual experiences be sure to communicate and let your partner know when he or she is doing something correctly or that you’d like more of. The point here is to accentuate the positive.  Use verbal cues. If you are the partner trying something new or requested ask for feedback. Be open to receiving and making suggestions. It would be naïve of me to think that everyone is comfortable using verbal cues during sexual experiences. Nonverbal cues can be super helpful and hot as well.  Take turns pleasing each other. Don’t be afraid to lead your partner by guiding their hand or placing your hands on their hips to help control movement. Use signals to indicate pleasure such as moaning, smiling, or saying something like, “baby, this feels so good,” “don’t stop, please” or “keep doing what you’re doing.”

Okay, that should be enough to get you on the track to practicing open and honest communication with your current and/or future partner(s). Communication is not only lubrication as I’ve said many times before, but also a great tool to have when practicing sexual self-care. Check back next week, when I write about delivering and receiving criticism, because let’s face it – at some point you’ll have to deal with conflict. How you do so will have important implications for the relationship. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jul 5

Self-Care is Key to Maintaining Good Sexual Health and Wellness

Posted on Saturday, July 5, 2014 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess logoI certainly hope you’re feeling dandy on this super sexy Saturday!  Practicing self-care is a great way to maintain that feeling. People often speak of practicing self-care, but what is it? Let’s say you have an important final tomorrow. It would be good self-care to get a good night’s sleep and eat a healthy breakfast to ensure optimal brain function and performance during the final. Self-care can be thought of as things you can do to promote and maintain our own health and wellness. “Self-care” and “health and wellness” have been buzz words for the past few years. However, less often we speak about sexual self-care; yet, this is an important aspect of general self-care. When I say sexual self-care, I mean taking active measures to ensure your sexual health and wellness is on point.

Though there are multiple reasons to maintain good sexual health and wellness, two simple but important ones immediately come to mind. The first reason is that you want your goods to work when it comes time to use it. Your sexual health can impact your overall health and wellness. For example, if you get an STI, you may have negative thoughts and feelings about it. Such negative thoughts and feelings could lead to sadness and possible depression.  The second reason that comes to mind is that one day you may meet someone with whom you’d like to have a child. If you are in good sexual health, it will likely be much easier to conceive children.

Good sexual health and wellness is the goal, self-care is how we get there. With this in mind, there are many things you can do to practice sexual self-care. To some these things may be more obvious than to others. I’m not just talking about masturbating, either. Though, that is a pretty solid suggestion for sexual self-care. To be sure that we’re all on the same page I propose the following as a good starting point to maintaining good sexual health and wellness:

  1. ss sexual self carePractice open and honest communication with your sexual partners. This includes specifically asking for what you want and saying no to things you don’t want. The latter can be hard to do. This is a good time to remember the wise words of Maggie Kuhn, who said “speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” It is generally a good idea to listen to your gut. While it may be a little uncomfortable at first you’ll likely find that communicating your sexual desires to your partners can be a very sexy experience.
  2. Use protection each time you engage in sexual activity. This may mean something different depending on the types of sex you may be having. For oral experiences this may mean using a flavored condom or dental dam, while for penetrative experiences it may mean using traditional or insertive condoms. With this in mind think of the sexual experiences you enjoy then educate yourself on ways to practice safer sex. Carry your preferred safer sex method whenever there’s a chance you may get some.
  3. Get regular sexual health check-ups and testing. Your primary care doctor or local family planning clinic can help you determine how often you should have a physical examination of your external genitals and internal reproductive parts. These types of exams may or may not include testing for common sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Therefore, it is a good idea to also get tested for STIs regularly if you are sexually active.
  4. Know when to say no. While sexual experiences can be fantastic, there are also a few times that having sex may not be the best idea with regard to health and wellness. For example, if there’s a good chance that having sex may have a negative emotional impact on you, your partner, or someone you care for strongly (e.g., sibling, best-friend, etc.) it is likely in your best interest to say no.  Another great example is if you don’t have safer sex supplies and/or are unsure of your partners STI status, it is better to get blue balls or blue clit than to put yourself at risk. If you find yourself in this last situation, it may be a great time to limit yourself to a PG-13 make out session and get some practice kissing.

There you have it! A few quick and simple ways to practice self-care to help maintain good sexual health and wellness. Whew, that was a mouthful! Pun may be intended. Until next time…

Keep it safe and sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: