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May 25

Masturbate-A-Thon: Need I Say More?

Posted on Saturday, May 25, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoToday is probably the Sexiest Saturday of the year yet! The official masturbate-a-thon for National Masturbation Month is this evening! Are you going?  If not planning to participant in the event right now, by the end of the article maybe you will be. Unfortunately, I’m not going. My original reason for not participating is that as a sex educator, I’d hate to run into my super sex positive students while masturbating. I’m nearly 100% sure that’d be a turn-off for me.

Although I’m not formally participating here are 5 sexy reasons you should seriously consider it:

  1. For a good cause. The masturbate-a-thon was created to encourage a sex positive dialogue with regard to self-pleasure and masturbation.
  2. You can win a prize for masturbating longer than anyone else or having more orgasms than other contestants.  I think I could definitely win one of these, what about you?
  3. You can fill any exhibitionist fantasy you may have.  Many people have fantasies of exposing themselves. The masturbate-a-thon is a fabulous opportunity to expose your genitals, have fun, and experience pleasure all at that same time.
  4. Can fill any voyeuristic fantasy you may have. Just like folks have fantasies of exposing themselves, others may have fantasies of watching others be sexual. Again, masturbate-a-thon may be the best place for you to be this evening. If you’re really a voyeur, you may want to participate at the Center for Sex and Culture (CSC) as opposed to participating from home, which is also an option. Be sure to follow the rules so you don’t get disqualified though.SS21 masturbate a thon
  5. Hell, you get to masturbate! No explanation needed.

If you’ve never masturbated in front of others, let this be your public masturbation debut. If you’ve never masturbated, check out Sex for One – an earlier post on solo sex debuts including tips for achieving maximum pleasure. Everyone masturbates a little differently. Don’t believe? Just watch – if you go to the event tonight.

Now that you’ve been convinced to “come for a cause,” here’s the deets you’ll need to know. The Masturbate-a-thon will be held at the CSC located at 1349 Mission St. in San Francisco, CA. You can arrive as early as 7pm. There is a $30 participation fee that can be paid at the door. If you completed the pledge form early, bring that with you to enter. All funds raised will go to support efforts of the CSC.

Writing about masturbating has made me want to, well, masturbate. My informal participation shall continue now. I’m pretty sure I can win most self-induced orgasms! I’m just saying….Until next Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 18

Wetter is Better!

Posted on Saturday, May 18, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoContrary to popular belief lubricants (lube) are not just for female bodied people. Although lube is a great liquid supplement for natural vaginal lubrication, any sexually active person can enjoy the benefits of lube.  Here are three reasons to add lube to your repertoire of sexy tools:

1. Lube increases sensation when practicing safer sex with barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams. Anytime you or your partner wear a condom, dental dam, glove, etc. you experience less sensation because the latex – or whatever material your method is made of – creates a barrier between your body and theirs. This barrier adds an extra layer between the two of you thus reducing the sensations you would feel having raw, unprotected sex.

2. Lube increases the durability of your safer sex barrier method. This is pretty hot! Lube helps to reduce friction during sexual play. If you’re not quite sure what friction is, put your hands together and start rubbing. Gain speed as you rub.  The more and faster you rub you’ll notice heat being created. Many of you will also notice that your hands are getting a bit sticky from the sweat the heat is creating. What you are experiencing is very much like friction. When condoms experience friction they are likely to rip or tear. Lube helps to keep things feeling slippery during friction, reducing the risk of tearing.  

3. Lube can be added to any body part, or toy for more pleasurable sensation.  For example, lube can be added to your genitals or fingers to make masturbation feel better. You can also put lube on your hand to make hand-jobs more pleasurable.  I don’t know about you, but my arm gets tired rather quickly and if lube can help me, I’m all for it!

Before you go making everything slippery there’s a bit more information you should know. There are 3 main types of lube: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based.  Some lubes may be better than others based on the site of penetration or safer sex materialss20 wetter better being used. For example, a thick water-based lube would be great for protected anal sex. Here’s a quick overview of the different types of lube.

Water-based lube is cheap and widely available in sexually oriented businesses, grocery stores, and local pharmacies such as Walgreen’s or CVS. It is safe to use with latex barriers and all sex toys. This lube tends to become sticky when it starts to dry, but can be rejuvenated by adding a few drops of water.

Silicone-based lube is often more expensive than water-based. Silicone has a feeling that is similar to oil in that it is thin and quite slippery. Silicone-based lube can be used with various materials such as latex, polyurethane, polyisoprene and more. However, you have to be careful when using silicone lube with silicone based sex toys as it may deteriorate your toy. As a general rule, I just wouldn’t use the two together.

Oil-based lube is great because it is extra slippery! However, oil-based lubes should not be used with latex barriers, as it can deteriorate the material.  

My last bit of information on this topic is that lube is available in various consistencies including liquid, gel, lotion, and more! However, regardless of the type of lube or preferred consistency, it is a good idea to check for the presence of glycerin or other sugars as they may irritate the vagina or anus. Some folks are more sensitive to this than others. If you’re a current Cal student, stop by the health Promotion office in Tang to pick up free water or silicone-based lube samples. If you’re not a Cal student, check out the sexy aisle on your next trip to the grocery store or pharmacy. Either way, wetter is better! Until next Saturday…

 Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

May 11

From Topless Dancer to Sex Educator

Posted on Saturday, May 11, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoOver the past few weeks, I’ve been asked several times how I got into the field of sex ed. So, I’m writing this Sexy Saturday article on why I became a sexual health educator so the next time I’m asked this question I can simply direct folks here for the answer.  Generally when I’m asked this question I make a quick decision as to whether I’m going to answer with the full truth or the cleaner, simpler version.  For now, you’ll get the truncated version.  

When I was in the second grade my Auntie Vette was a topless dancer at the Dancin’ Sunshine. I thought she was the coolest person with the best job ever! She would let me help put liquid latex on her nipples and take it off later. To me that was like putting glue in your hand and pulling it off like skin after it dries. Even cooler than applying latex to her nipples were her costumes. My aunt had the shiniest, most colorful and glamorous costumes and shoes I’d ever seen. She would pay me $20 to put her costumes in the washer and another $20 to put them in the dryer. I like dancing, money, and sexy bikinis so Iss 19 pasties thought she had the perfect job!

When my second grade teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, I proudly exclaimed that I wanted to be a “titty dancer.” Needless to say that prompted a phone call to my mother.  That evening my mother patiently explained to me that being a topless dancer was not the best goal to aspire to and I needed to come up with something better to want to be in life. I settled on being a “pee-pee” doctor. To avoid another embarrassing phone call from the school my mom did some research and found out the correct term was a urologist. For the next 8 years or so, I conducted my own unethical, less than scientific experiments on penis size in relation to other body parts.

In high school I took my first psychology class. As I learned more about the field of psychology and the important role that our psyche plays in sex and sexuality I was intrigued. That was also around the time I learned that urologists mostly saw sick and unhealthy penises. What teenage girl wants to see a sick penis? I decided to give up my dream of being a urologist and focus on being a sex therapist instead. Sex therapy was rather appealing. I would have the ability to help frame the way others think about sex and get paid well to do it. With this in mind, I pursued a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Mills College.

My senior year at Mills one of my roommates was struggling with a class that I had taken and aced. Naturally, she asked me to tutor her in the class. I taught her the class material using her interests so the concepts would resonate more. A second roommate observed these tutoring sessions and commented that I’d make a good educator. I laughed it off at the time because I was on my way to being a world renowned sex therapist and educators weren’t making any money – unfortunately that last part hasn’t changed. Luckily for me and the young folks I work with – I did change. 

After graduating with my bachelor’s degree I started to think more seriously about what it meant to be a sex therapist. At the time the majority of sex therapy clients were there as a result of a court order. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could ss19 sex ednever be objective with court ordered clients accused of rape.  However, my desire to shape the way people thought about sex never waivered. Overtime, the seed of being an educator was growing as it was watered with more mature thoughts. By the time I learned of the masters program in human sexuality studies at San Francisco State University, I was clear that I wanted to be a sex educator. To me, there is no more powerful position on earth than being an educator. By shaping the way our young people think about and approach sex and sexual health, I believe that I am doing my part to make the world a better and more accepting place for my daughter and others who will come after me.  Although being an educator can be thankless at times, knowing that I am making a positive difference in the lives of youth and women makes the low pay and long hours worth it. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 4

Rape Lyrics: Rick Ross Isn’t the Only One

Posted on Saturday, May 4, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoWelcome to another Sexy Saturday! I moved last weekend and spent this past week cleaning out my old place. To make things go faster, I listened to a variety of music stations. Some stations I listened to live while others I listened to through my “I <3 radio” app. I had about 7 go to, hip-hop and R&B stations. Apparently I had a trigger song as well. Every time this song came on that was my queue to change the station. This must be a popular song because I changed stations a lot. The song is How Many Drinks by R&B artist, Miguel. I know some of you are thinking “Oh, that’s my song!” That’s fine, the song has a great beat, but I encourage you to listen more closely to the words the next time you hear the song.

In the first verse of this song, Miguel is already heading in the wrong direction when he sings “frustration watching you dance, invitation to get in them pants.” Just because someone is dancing in such a way that turns you on does not in any way mean that person wants to have sex with you. Dancing is just dancing and should not be taken as an invitation to do anything more. The chorus opens with him being honest about the fact that he “aint leavin’ alone.” Well, gee, thanks for your honesty. A few short lines later heSS18 Miguel article asks “how many drinks would it take for you to leave with me?”  Wow! Really? Where is Miguel from? I certainly hope he’s not from California because it’s illegal to get people drunk and have sex with them as you imply here in your song lyrics. In California that is considered rape.

From there the song gets rude and condescending. But it has a slow and sexy beat so some may not notice the lyrics. If they do, maybe they aren’t thinking about what the lyrics mean.  That’s what I have to tell myself because clearly Miguel went to the club with the idea of finding someone to take home for sexual purposes. Instead of relying on his personality and good looks, he chooses to ply the person with drinks until they “decide” to go home with him. I’ve never seen him – is he not that good looking?

As you can see, this song really irks me. People were so upset with Rick Ross over his song where he raps about drugging females and having sex with them that he lost his Reebok endorsement. Well, Miguel’s song is the exact same thing. Only his drug of choice was alcohol. By the amount of times I had to change stations because of this song, I can only imagine that it is quickly climbing the music charts. I’m not defending Rick Ross, I think Miguel, Webbie and a few others who’ve rapped or sang about raping people should be treated similarly and have endorsements taken away. No one should be rewarded for bad behavior. However, people apparently use alcohol as a tool to obtain sex so regularly that few others have recognized this song as contributing to rape culture. But rather listen, and dance whenever it is played.

I’m not calling for a boycott of anyone’s music. Listen, dance, hell sing a long if you feel so inclined. I do, however, think it’d be freaking awesome if people would listen more closely to some of the popular song lyrics and think about the impact the messages have. I’m just saying. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Apr 27

The Never Ending Infection

Posted on Saturday, April 27, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoThis is the last Sexy Saturdays article for STD Awareness Month! Today, I’m writing about one of the most common viral infections among college age populations.  If you’re thinking HIV, think again. Herpes infects more than 775,000 people each year in the US. Did you know there are 2 types of herpes associated with sexual experiences? Herpes simplex virus (HSV) -1 is commonly referred to as oral herpes, while HSV-2 is often referred to as genital herpes. But make no mistake, you can get either of these types of herpes on or in your mouth, genitals, cervix, and/or anus.

What’s up with this super common infection? Like Chlamydia and gonorrhea, herpes is often asymptomatic (without visible symptoms) and goes unnoticed in many infected persons. When symptoms are present they look different. HSV-1 symptoms present as cold sores.  HSV-2 symptoms are usually in the form of lesions. While symptoms may go away on their own or with antiviral treatment, herpes reserves its right to resurface or recur. It is more likely to exercise this right to recur during times when your immune system is weakened. Recurrent symptoms may include fever, headache, and tingling sensation with both HSV-1SS 17 HSV 1 and HSV-2. Initial outbreaks tend to be worse than recurring outbreaks.

If you have a cold sore you have herpes. If you get a cold sore in the future you will have herpes for the rest of your life. When I say this in workshops no doubt someone says “that can’t be true. I’ve had cold sores all my life. How did I get it?” Herpes simplex virus 1 and 2 is transmitted through direct contact with infected mucous membranes, lesions, genital or oral secretions, or infected skin. Transmission through infected skin is during an asymptomatic period of shedding. If you’ve had cold sores for as long as you can remember it is likely that you contracted herpes as a baby, or child. Maybe you were so cute that someone with herpes felt the need to kiss you. Though this person may not have been having an active outbreak at that time, they were able to transmit HSV-1 when they kissed you.  Lucky you! I’m just playing. I know, it sucks – and not in a good way – that you have herpes and didn’t even get to experience any sexual pleasure to get it. Just for the record, don’t even consider asking to kiss my super cute daughter.  It’s nothing personal, well, yes it is.

ss17 herpesOne of the most intriguing aspects of herpes is that if a person with oral herpes, HSV-1, performs oral sex on someone they can give that person oral herpes on their genitals or anus. If you don’t like cold sores on your mouth, just imagine having them on your genitals. It also works the other way too. If someone performs oral sex on someone infected with genital herpes, they can get HSV-2 on/in their mouth.  

If you think you may have herpes, it is best to let your primary medical doctor examine you during an outbreak. However, some providers and clinics have the ability to diagnose herpes through blood tests when no visible symptoms are present. Some providers and clinics may also be able to DNA type test your herpes to see which type you have, if any.

How do you get rid of herpes? You don’t! However, there are antiviral medications that may suppress herpes resulting in a decreased amount of outbreaks. Daily use of such treatments may also reduce your risk of transmitting herpes to your partners. The good news is that outbreaks tend to decrease over time even without suppressive treatment.  Given that herpes is not curable, it would be better to prevent transmission in the first place.  Because herpes may not be covered with traditional condoms, I suggest using insertive condoms for penis to vagina or anus sex with an infected partner, or partner whose status you don’t know as they cover a larger area. Dental dams are a great way to prevent transmission during mouth to vulva or anus sex. Last but not least, traditional condoms can help prevent herpes transmission during mouth to penis sex.  Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Apr 20

More Than You Bargained For: Chlamydia and Gonorrhea

Posted on Saturday, April 20, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoPicture this: you just met this gorgeous person who seems to be feeling you. You make your move, and it works. The two of you go somewhere private to smoke and hook up. You’re already high and forget to use protection.  A week or so later you start feeling a burning sensation when you urinate.

If you’re celebrating more than Sexy Saturdays today, make sure high is all you’re getting! Two common sexually transmitted infections (STIs), Chlamydia and gonorrhea, can sneak up on you. As recently as 2011 in California, 63% of Chlamydia and 48% of gonorrhea cases were among young folks between 15 and 24 years old.[1] Many of whom likely had these infections without any symptoms.

Though caused by different bacteria, these STIs have quite a bit in common like how they are transmitted, their symptoms, and more. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are transmitted in multiple ways including through unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex when a person’s mucous membranes come into contact with the infected vaginal fluids, semen, or pre-ejaculate of another person. Yes, that means you can get these infections in your throat! Sadly, they can also be transmitted from an infected woman to her newborn duringss16 gonorrhea childbirth.

Like a thief in the night, Chlamydia and gonorrhea are often silent and have no symptoms in men and women. Unfortunately, that tends to be truer for women than for men. You guessed it, when symptoms are present they’re alike too! When symptoms are present they may include frequent urination, abnormal discharge, pain in lower abdomen, painful urination or sex. If left untreated these STIs may lead to tissue scarring, possible infertility, and other serious health conditions.

Similarities between Chlamydia and gonorrhea don’t stop there.  The good similarities are that these infections have the same testing, are often curable with antibiotics, and are easy to prevent. Given the silent nature of these STIs it is super important to get tested and know your status. Most tests of Chlamydia and gonorrhea are done through urine sample or cultures, which may or may not be collected during a pelvic exam.

If you’re ever diagnosed with having Chlamydia or gonorrhea, you can often take antibiotics and be cured. Though recently there have been some strains of gonorrhea that are resistant to current antibiotic options. It is important to complete all antibiotic treatment even if symptoms are no longer present. Think of yourself as being on “time out” because sex is off-limits while being treated.

The only way to completely prevent Chlamydia and gonorrhea infections is by abstaining from vaginal, anal, and/or oral sex. That may be harder to do than you think. If you are sexually active like me you can decrease the risk of getting these STIs by using condoms properly during vaginal and anal sex, and mouth to penis sex. If you’re having mouth to vulva, or mouth to anus sex use dental dams. Feel free to add flavored lube to sweeten the oral experience.

Because you can be re-infected with both Chlamydia and gonorrhea you want to get tested for STIs regularly, like every 6 – 12months. Encourage your partners to do the same. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.



[1] CA Department of Public Health, STD Control Branch, 2011. http://www.cdph.ca.gov/data/statistics/Pages/STDDataTables.aspx

 

Apr 13

STDs: There’s an App for That!?!

Posted on Saturday, April 13, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoWouldn’t it be great if you could somehow scan potential partners and get an automatic report of their full sexual history including what infections they’ve had, if any? Unfortunately, Apple nor Microsoft have created the technology for this yet. However, there are some other awesome apps that are helpful when it comes to triaging possible sexually transmitted infections and diseases (STI) and sharing your results with partners. It’d be cool if one app both triaged and allowed you to share but for now two separate apps exist for this: STD Triage and QPID.me.

Think you may have herpes? STD Triage can help.  STD Triage is an app that was developed by dermatologist, Alexander Boerve. This app is not at all meant to serve as a diagnosis of STIs, but rather to help triage skin rashes and other visible symptoms giving users a better idea of whether or not they should go into the doctor for testing and possible treatment. STD Triage isSS 15 STD triage simple and easy to use. All you do is complete a short inquiry or questionnaire describing your symptoms and how long you’ve been experiencing them. Submit the completed inquiry along with a picture of your visible skin rash or sore. For a small nominal fee within 24 hours you’ll receive a response “triaging” your skin rash or sore from a dermatologist. At the time there are only dermatologists triaging potential STIs. As such, this app is limited to infections with external, visible symptoms. With a little luck and some work, STD Triage may pilot a college version at UC Berkeley’s health center. How exciting!

Suppose you’re a female experiencing vaginal discharge. You start to freak out thinking the discharge may be an STI such as chlamydia or gonorrhea. After testing, your doctor determines that your discharge is not a symptom of an STI and explains the role discharge plays in keeping the vagina clean and healthy. Your new partner mistakes the discharge for an infection and declines your request for sex.  If you have QPID.me you can bring your STD results up on your phone, show your new partner that you’ve recently tested negative for Chlamydia and gonorrhea  and have the sexy time you both desire.

Recently I attended the YTH (Youth + Tech+ Health) Live Conference in San Francisco where I learned of QPID.me. QPID.me, while it sounds more like a match-making site, is actually an app that gives you access to your STD test results right on your cell phone or whatever app friendly device you’ve got.  Like STD Triage, QPID.me is user-friendly. Get tested and then sign up for this app. Already tested? Even better!  After signing up a request will be sent to your medical provider. Your doctor will fax the results to your confidential account which you can then access at your convenience. Using this app you can even share your STD test results with current or potential partners, other medical providers, friends, and family. Okay, you may not want to share your results with your parents and other family but you could if you wanted to. QPID.me is free and open to users age 13 and older.

That’s it for this weekend. Check back next Sexy Saturday for more information on STDs as we continue to celebrate STD Awareness month! Until then…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jan 26

Smart is the New Sexy

Posted on Saturday, January 26, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoA few weeks ago my Dad posted this image on my facebook page saying “teach this in your sex ed classes!” Sorry, syllabi for all classes have been created so Dad, this blogs for you…How smart do you have to be to be considered sexy? You don’t have to be Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory smart, but having some degree of intelligence is definitely sexy. In my first Sexy Saturdays article I told you there was little sexier than intelligence. I still stand by that statement, but I’d like to add that being sex savvy counts as a form of intelligence.

Smart is new sexy imageBeing sex savvy is not limited to knowing a bunch of positions. Hell, anyone can watch videos of teens dancing on YouTube and learn all the positions in the Kama Sutra and then some. Don’t believe me? Try it – I dare you. Anyway, young folks doing dance moves that would put strippers to shame is a topic for another blog…

Sex savvy is much more than just knowing positions, it involves having accurate sexual heath knowledge and being aware of how you are impacted by sexual experiences.  For example, it is not enough to simply know that you should use condoms during your sexual debut, if applicable. A sex savvy person would do some research and go into their debut knowing there may be pain and blood involved for the partner being penetrated vaginally or anally. Armed with this knowledge, the sex savvy individual would do further research to learn how to minimize this.  An even savvier person would talk to friends and professionals about the emotional impact of having sex, get on some sort of birth control method if there is a risk of unintended pregnancy, and talk to their partner about fears, concerns, and expectations of their debut together.

Beyond being sexually savvy about initial sexual debuts, folks should familiarize themselves with information about prevention of sexually transmissible infections (STIs)/HIV, and unintended pregnancy. While this may look different from person to person, for most it includes having regular check-ups on your genitals and reproductive parts, as well as STI testing.

Now for the good news: I can help you be the sexy sex savvy person you are meant to be by educating and informing you about various sexual health topics in multiple ways. If you are a student at UC Berkeley, you can meet with me for your general sexual health education. If you live in or close to San Ramon, you can take a semester long class with me. I’m a great instructor – check me out on ratemyprofessor.com. If you’re anywhere else in the California Bay Area, I’m happy to come do one or more workshops for you. Need more on-going personal assistance on your road to sex savviness? I got you! And, not just because my Dad asked me to. Until next Saturday.

Keep It Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

 Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

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