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May 25

Masturbate-A-Thon: Need I Say More?

Posted on Saturday, May 25, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoToday is probably the Sexiest Saturday of the year yet! The official masturbate-a-thon for National Masturbation Month is this evening! Are you going?  If not planning to participant in the event right now, by the end of the article maybe you will be. Unfortunately, I’m not going. My original reason for not participating is that as a sex educator, I’d hate to run into my super sex positive students while masturbating. I’m nearly 100% sure that’d be a turn-off for me.

Although I’m not formally participating here are 5 sexy reasons you should seriously consider it:

  1. For a good cause. The masturbate-a-thon was created to encourage a sex positive dialogue with regard to self-pleasure and masturbation.
  2. You can win a prize for masturbating longer than anyone else or having more orgasms than other contestants.  I think I could definitely win one of these, what about you?
  3. You can fill any exhibitionist fantasy you may have.  Many people have fantasies of exposing themselves. The masturbate-a-thon is a fabulous opportunity to expose your genitals, have fun, and experience pleasure all at that same time.
  4. Can fill any voyeuristic fantasy you may have. Just like folks have fantasies of exposing themselves, others may have fantasies of watching others be sexual. Again, masturbate-a-thon may be the best place for you to be this evening. If you’re really a voyeur, you may want to participate at the Center for Sex and Culture (CSC) as opposed to participating from home, which is also an option. Be sure to follow the rules so you don’t get disqualified though.SS21 masturbate a thon
  5. Hell, you get to masturbate! No explanation needed.

If you’ve never masturbated in front of others, let this be your public masturbation debut. If you’ve never masturbated, check out Sex for One – an earlier post on solo sex debuts including tips for achieving maximum pleasure. Everyone masturbates a little differently. Don’t believe? Just watch – if you go to the event tonight.

Now that you’ve been convinced to “come for a cause,” here’s the deets you’ll need to know. The Masturbate-a-thon will be held at the CSC located at 1349 Mission St. in San Francisco, CA. You can arrive as early as 7pm. There is a $30 participation fee that can be paid at the door. If you completed the pledge form early, bring that with you to enter. All funds raised will go to support efforts of the CSC.

Writing about masturbating has made me want to, well, masturbate. My informal participation shall continue now. I’m pretty sure I can win most self-induced orgasms! I’m just saying….Until next Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

May 18

Wetter is Better!

Posted on Saturday, May 18, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays, UC Berkeley

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoContrary to popular belief lubricants (lube) are not just for female bodied people. Although lube is a great liquid supplement for natural vaginal lubrication, any sexually active person can enjoy the benefits of lube.  Here are three reasons to add lube to your repertoire of sexy tools:

1. Lube increases sensation when practicing safer sex with barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams. Anytime you or your partner wear a condom, dental dam, glove, etc. you experience less sensation because the latex – or whatever material your method is made of – creates a barrier between your body and theirs. This barrier adds an extra layer between the two of you thus reducing the sensations you would feel having raw, unprotected sex.

2. Lube increases the durability of your safer sex barrier method. This is pretty hot! Lube helps to reduce friction during sexual play. If you’re not quite sure what friction is, put your hands together and start rubbing. Gain speed as you rub.  The more and faster you rub you’ll notice heat being created. Many of you will also notice that your hands are getting a bit sticky from the sweat the heat is creating. What you are experiencing is very much like friction. When condoms experience friction they are likely to rip or tear. Lube helps to keep things feeling slippery during friction, reducing the risk of tearing.  

3. Lube can be added to any body part, or toy for more pleasurable sensation.  For example, lube can be added to your genitals or fingers to make masturbation feel better. You can also put lube on your hand to make hand-jobs more pleasurable.  I don’t know about you, but my arm gets tired rather quickly and if lube can help me, I’m all for it!

Before you go making everything slippery there’s a bit more information you should know. There are 3 main types of lube: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based.  Some lubes may be better than others based on the site of penetration or safer sex materialss20 wetter better being used. For example, a thick water-based lube would be great for protected anal sex. Here’s a quick overview of the different types of lube.

Water-based lube is cheap and widely available in sexually oriented businesses, grocery stores, and local pharmacies such as Walgreen’s or CVS. It is safe to use with latex barriers and all sex toys. This lube tends to become sticky when it starts to dry, but can be rejuvenated by adding a few drops of water.

Silicone-based lube is often more expensive than water-based. Silicone has a feeling that is similar to oil in that it is thin and quite slippery. Silicone-based lube can be used with various materials such as latex, polyurethane, polyisoprene and more. However, you have to be careful when using silicone lube with silicone based sex toys as it may deteriorate your toy. As a general rule, I just wouldn’t use the two together.

Oil-based lube is great because it is extra slippery! However, oil-based lubes should not be used with latex barriers, as it can deteriorate the material.  

My last bit of information on this topic is that lube is available in various consistencies including liquid, gel, lotion, and more! However, regardless of the type of lube or preferred consistency, it is a good idea to check for the presence of glycerin or other sugars as they may irritate the vagina or anus. Some folks are more sensitive to this than others. If you’re a current Cal student, stop by the health Promotion office in Tang to pick up free water or silicone-based lube samples. If you’re not a Cal student, check out the sexy aisle on your next trip to the grocery store or pharmacy. Either way, wetter is better! Until next Saturday…

 Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

 

 

May 11

From Topless Dancer to Sex Educator

Posted on Saturday, May 11, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoOver the past few weeks, I’ve been asked several times how I got into the field of sex ed. So, I’m writing this Sexy Saturday article on why I became a sexual health educator so the next time I’m asked this question I can simply direct folks here for the answer.  Generally when I’m asked this question I make a quick decision as to whether I’m going to answer with the full truth or the cleaner, simpler version.  For now, you’ll get the truncated version.  

When I was in the second grade my Auntie Vette was a topless dancer at the Dancin’ Sunshine. I thought she was the coolest person with the best job ever! She would let me help put liquid latex on her nipples and take it off later. To me that was like putting glue in your hand and pulling it off like skin after it dries. Even cooler than applying latex to her nipples were her costumes. My aunt had the shiniest, most colorful and glamorous costumes and shoes I’d ever seen. She would pay me $20 to put her costumes in the washer and another $20 to put them in the dryer. I like dancing, money, and sexy bikinis so Iss 19 pasties thought she had the perfect job!

When my second grade teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we grew up, I proudly exclaimed that I wanted to be a “titty dancer.” Needless to say that prompted a phone call to my mother.  That evening my mother patiently explained to me that being a topless dancer was not the best goal to aspire to and I needed to come up with something better to want to be in life. I settled on being a “pee-pee” doctor. To avoid another embarrassing phone call from the school my mom did some research and found out the correct term was a urologist. For the next 8 years or so, I conducted my own unethical, less than scientific experiments on penis size in relation to other body parts.

In high school I took my first psychology class. As I learned more about the field of psychology and the important role that our psyche plays in sex and sexuality I was intrigued. That was also around the time I learned that urologists mostly saw sick and unhealthy penises. What teenage girl wants to see a sick penis? I decided to give up my dream of being a urologist and focus on being a sex therapist instead. Sex therapy was rather appealing. I would have the ability to help frame the way others think about sex and get paid well to do it. With this in mind, I pursued a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Mills College.

My senior year at Mills one of my roommates was struggling with a class that I had taken and aced. Naturally, she asked me to tutor her in the class. I taught her the class material using her interests so the concepts would resonate more. A second roommate observed these tutoring sessions and commented that I’d make a good educator. I laughed it off at the time because I was on my way to being a world renowned sex therapist and educators weren’t making any money – unfortunately that last part hasn’t changed. Luckily for me and the young folks I work with – I did change. 

After graduating with my bachelor’s degree I started to think more seriously about what it meant to be a sex therapist. At the time the majority of sex therapy clients were there as a result of a court order. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could ss19 sex ednever be objective with court ordered clients accused of rape.  However, my desire to shape the way people thought about sex never waivered. Overtime, the seed of being an educator was growing as it was watered with more mature thoughts. By the time I learned of the masters program in human sexuality studies at San Francisco State University, I was clear that I wanted to be a sex educator. To me, there is no more powerful position on earth than being an educator. By shaping the way our young people think about and approach sex and sexual health, I believe that I am doing my part to make the world a better and more accepting place for my daughter and others who will come after me.  Although being an educator can be thankless at times, knowing that I am making a positive difference in the lives of youth and women makes the low pay and long hours worth it. Until next Saturday…

Keep it safe ‘n sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Feb 9

Getting Sexy with Older People

Posted on Saturday, February 9, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

I was watching a show on Oprah Winfrey’s network (OWN), I believe it may have been called “Our America with Lisa Ling.”  The topic of the show was older people with a segment on speed dating and sex after 65. At first, I must admit I thought it was adorable and found myself hoping to be dating and still having sex when I’m 65. However, upon further thought I realized 65 is not that old. My mother is in her 60’s and I’m pretty sure she’s still getting it on a regular basis.  

Like many people, I don’t enjoy thinking about my mother’s sex life.  But if I’m honest, I may start looking at older people a little Younger woman dating older mandifferently. While I’m not going to develop an elderly fetish and be a gerontophile, I may entertain the thought of being an eagle scout (BTW, there are quite a few terms to describe a younger woman who dates older men – google it and see). How big of an age gap is required to be an eagle scout? Does Beyonce qualify?

If you’ve ever considered sex with an older man it may be worth trying. Granted there may be a need for a Viagra or Cialis prescription for penetrational sex with some older men. Unfortunately, as men age their ability to become fully erect gets harder (pun so intended). The good side is that they also tend to focus more on pleasing their partner. Older men have likely also mastered the fine art of ejaculatory control for longer lasting sex.

I don’t want to leave sex with older women out. If you’re a cub on the prowl for a cougar or lioness, keep a bottle of good lube nearby. Spit doesn’t count, though a little oral sex may be appreciated.  The best thing about sex with an older woman may be that she likely knows what feels good to her and in all probability is not afraid to ask for it. The latter is a lesson that women of all ages can benefit from.  

Although sex with an older woman has the added benefit of not worrying about unintended pregnancy, there is still a risk of contracting a sexually transmissible disease. This is true of sex with older men as well. Condoms and dental dams are an easy fix. For more information on sex after 65, check out Senior Site’s, Sex After Sixty page. If given the opportunity to have sex with an older person you may just find that elder sex can be super hot! Until next Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Feb 2

Sex not that good?

Posted on Saturday, February 2, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoHave you ever found yourself attracted to someone only to have sex with them and be disappointed? A friend of mine is in this very situation and asked for a little advice. Hmm, this is kinda of tricky. You can do one of two things, both would be best:

If you’ve taken a class with me or have been in any of my workshops you know that I believe “communication is lubrication.” If you were left less than satisfied after your first experience with your new partner let them know what they can be doing to make it better the next time. Assuming – of course – there will be a next time. If you care about your partner and want to see where things can go this could be a great opportunity to see how your partner responds when challenged.

Be open with your partner about what you enjoy during sex. How do they know if you haven’t told them? Ask them what they enjoy. I’m sure you were doing your thing, but what if your thing wasn’t their thing? Ask them if the two of you can try some of the things you talk about the next time you have sex.

My second piece of advice is to take control of the situation. When you start to get that unsatisfied feeling that’s when you know you need to take over. If you know what feels good to you, start doing it. Your partner will probably like this. If you’re female, you can stimulate your clit while your being penetrated vaginally or anally. If you’re male you can rub your scrotum during sex and put pressure on the smooth area just behind there. This will indirectly stimulate your prostate, which can be very pleasurable. Whatever your signature move is put it on your partner.  But you have to be careful with this advice though as it can backfire. You can put it down so good that your partner just simply can’t take it.

Until next Saturday,

Keep It Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Jan 26

Smart is the New Sexy

Posted on Saturday, January 26, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoA few weeks ago my Dad posted this image on my facebook page saying “teach this in your sex ed classes!” Sorry, syllabi for all classes have been created so Dad, this blogs for you…How smart do you have to be to be considered sexy? You don’t have to be Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory smart, but having some degree of intelligence is definitely sexy. In my first Sexy Saturdays article I told you there was little sexier than intelligence. I still stand by that statement, but I’d like to add that being sex savvy counts as a form of intelligence.

Smart is new sexy imageBeing sex savvy is not limited to knowing a bunch of positions. Hell, anyone can watch videos of teens dancing on YouTube and learn all the positions in the Kama Sutra and then some. Don’t believe me? Try it – I dare you. Anyway, young folks doing dance moves that would put strippers to shame is a topic for another blog…

Sex savvy is much more than just knowing positions, it involves having accurate sexual heath knowledge and being aware of how you are impacted by sexual experiences.  For example, it is not enough to simply know that you should use condoms during your sexual debut, if applicable. A sex savvy person would do some research and go into their debut knowing there may be pain and blood involved for the partner being penetrated vaginally or anally. Armed with this knowledge, the sex savvy individual would do further research to learn how to minimize this.  An even savvier person would talk to friends and professionals about the emotional impact of having sex, get on some sort of birth control method if there is a risk of unintended pregnancy, and talk to their partner about fears, concerns, and expectations of their debut together.

Beyond being sexually savvy about initial sexual debuts, folks should familiarize themselves with information about prevention of sexually transmissible infections (STIs)/HIV, and unintended pregnancy. While this may look different from person to person, for most it includes having regular check-ups on your genitals and reproductive parts, as well as STI testing.

Now for the good news: I can help you be the sexy sex savvy person you are meant to be by educating and informing you about various sexual health topics in multiple ways. If you are a student at UC Berkeley, you can meet with me for your general sexual health education. If you live in or close to San Ramon, you can take a semester long class with me. I’m a great instructor – check me out on ratemyprofessor.com. If you’re anywhere else in the California Bay Area, I’m happy to come do one or more workshops for you. Need more on-going personal assistance on your road to sex savviness? I got you! And, not just because my Dad asked me to. Until next Saturday.

Keep It Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

 Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jan 19

Oooooh, Sexy Sounds

Posted on Saturday, January 19, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess Logo“Mmmm. Yes, baby, right there…Oooooh…Yeah, give it to me like that. Just like that.” Do you say similar things during sex? Do you moan and groan?  In my profession, I hear some fascinating ideas of what people find sexy. One thing I hear quite often is that people enjoy, even prefer, sex partners who actively participate.  What a concept!?!  If you can’t tell, I am being sarcastic. While being an active participant can mean moving your body like a cyclone or getting into positions that would make a contortionist jealous, it can also be as simple as making sexy sounds.   

If you feel some sort of way about making sounds, you’re not alone. Prior to my sexual debut I had this idea that it would be so pleasing that I couldn’t being loud, screaming hallelujah and thanking a Lord I don’t believe in. The truth is it took me a while to get comfortable being vocal with my partners.  If you are of a similar mindset and would like to be more vocal during sex, read on.

If you’ve never tried being vocal during sex start by giving yourself permissionsexy sounds to make “noise.”  Although you have permission, you may not be ready to take your vocal show on the road just yet. Get used to the sounds you make while masturbating.  As you continue to pleasure yourself allow your heavy breathing to naturally progress. You may find that you’re more of a moaner than a groaner. Maybe you’re a talker or a screamer. Knowing your sexy sounds will help you feel more comfortable when you make them during partnered sex.

Having a partner who vocalizes their pleasure along with you may be helpful and encourage you to be more expressive. Honestly, I could care less exactly what sounds my partner makes during sex– as long as they are making them. On the flip side, being silent during sex may make your partner feel as if they are not putting it down right. Making sounds during sex can enhance the overall experience for you and your partner(s).  

Increase your sexy by expressing your pleasure vocally through heavy breathing, moaning, groaning, and/or talking. The more comfortable you get with making and hearing your sexy sounds, the more likely you will be to make them during partnered or solo sex.  Using the suggestions offered you’ll be talking dirty in no time.

Keep It Safe and Sexy,

Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at RMills@sexucation.org.

Jan 5

Sexy 2013 Style!

Posted on Saturday, January 5, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoStart the year off sexy! Sure, but what does that mean? While sexiness is subjective, it is commonly thought of as something or someone that gets your sexual juices flowing. What you find sexy, your partner or friends may not find so sexy. Although most people have specific ideas about what counts as sexy, such as particular body types, many people find confidence, intelligence, and intrigue sexy. Here’s how you can be a sexier you in 2013 using confidence, intelligence, and intrigue.

Confidence – Sexiness is a state of mind that begins with having confidence. Being confident in general will help others sconfidence imageee you as a self-secure and sexy person. Confidence is often exuded in the way a person carries themselves, the way they talk, or in many other ways. I’ve been told that I have a super sexy “own the world” walk. (Well, until I had a baby anyway. Now my walk is more of a sultry waddle, but still sexy). People tend to be more confident with subjects they know well. No one knows more about you…have confidence in yourself and be the best you. Others will see your confidence as sexy so long as you don’t confuse it with cockiness.

Intelligence – There is little that I find sexier than intelligence and there are tons of people who agree. This does not mean that you have to be a rocket scientist or anything like that. Intelligence is not limited to academic smarts, but definitely includes it. In this sense, intelligence means being able to understand and apply basic concepts to everyday life while putting your personal swag on it. Having the ability to make love to someone’s mind is freaking hot! I’m just saying.

Intrigue – Leave them wanting more. There’s something sexy about not fully knowing what to expect. This can apply to clothes, personality, and so much more. A woman wearing a tight mini skirt and low-cut, cleavage baring top is showing nearly all she may have to offer. Whereas a woman in a nicely fitting dress with less skin showing is likely to draw more intrigue. People enjoy fantasy and mystery. Give it to them by making them wonder what it will take to get what you’ve got. Remember there is a difference between “slutty” and “sexy.”

My last words of wisdom on this topic is just because someone may find you sexy after doing what I’ve suggested in this article does not necessarily mean they want to have sex with you. It simply means that they find you sexually appealing. There’s nothing wrong with that! In 2013, get your sexy on for free by being confident, intelligent and more intriguing. If you’re sexy and you know it, there is no need to have others co-sign your sexiness.

XOXO — Sex Goddess

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