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Mar 9

The First Time…

Posted on Saturday, March 9, 2013 in Sexy Saturdays

Ms. Robin, Sex Goddess LogoThe first time I had consensual sexual intercourse I was a freshwoman in college; a week shy of my 18th birthday. My partner and I had gone camping with his family and a couple we were close to. I told him I was ready and wanted to have sex. Being that we had been together for 5 years and I was well known for not having sex, it took some convincing that I was serious. What happened next is none of your business…

Most people would say this was when I “lost my virginity.” However, this was not my initial sexual debut. My initial sexual debut happened a couple of years earlier when my partner convinced me to let them give me oral sex.  For purposes of this article, “sexual debut” is defined as a first sexual experience someone may have with another person(s).

While my first time was over a decade ago, the average age that young folks have their initial sexual intercourse debut is still around 17 years old in the US, for both males and females. Unfortunately, for young people of color and low-income folks the average age at sexual intercourse debut drops to around 12 years old. I have several thoughts as to why we see such a huge drop with these populations, but I’m not in the best mood and would go off on an institutionalized racism rant that I’m just not up for in this article. On a more positive note, the average age increases to about 19 when we look at young folks who go or plan to pursue college degrees.

I know some of you may be wondering why I just don’t use the phrase “losing one’s virginity.” The quick answer is that the phrase isimagesCA6V7339 heterosexist and not inclusive of non-heterosexual people or behaviors other than penis-vagina intercourse. However, “sexual debut” may be applied to a person’s initial debut into sex regardless of the type of sex or person’s sexual orientation.  It can refer to a person’s first time experiencing sex with a new partner, and/or the first time someone tries a new sexual behavior.  

The truth is most people – regardless of gender or orientation – go through some sort of sexual behavior progression, which means most of us have multiple debuts. Like me, many of us try oral or digital sex (AKA fingering) before vaginal or anal penetration with penises and/or phallic toys. Such a progression is often times based on what we think our peers may be engaging in. While our perceptions aren’t always accurate, research has shown conformity with peers and peer recognition to be among the most common reasons young people give for going through with various sexual debuts. Additional reasons young folks engage in sexual debuts include an increase in hormones as well as a desire for love and affection.

Depending on the reason for and type of debut a person may be considering, they may have specific concerns and expectations associated. I’m happy to provide information on common concerns and offer potential solutions next Sexy Saturday.

Keep it Safe and Sexy,

Ms. Robin, the Sex Goddess

Have a topic or question you’d like me to address in a future Sexy Saturdays article? Send it to me at


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